Shameless Self-Promotion: John Lithgow Keeps Yelling His Own Name Into The Throat Of The Dying Guy He’s Doing Mouth-To-Mouth On

It’s a simple truth of show business that actors have to tirelessly put themselves out there to make a living, but one performer’s tactless attempt to raise his own profile off another person’s tragedy may have just crossed a line: John Lithgow keeps yelling his own name into the throat of the dying guy he’s doing mouth-to-mouth on.

C’mon man, there’s a time and place for this stuff.

Just minutes ago, the pleasant afternoon at this public park turned to panic when an older gentleman suddenly clutched his chest, gave a brief cry, and slumped to the ground motionless. A crowd of concerned bystanders quickly gathered around him and called 911, though none possessed the medical know-how to render assistance themselves, and the dispatcher’s estimated arrival time was all but certain to fall outside the critical window to save the man’s life. It was only when things seemed truly hopeless that a tall, white-haired stranger calmly moved through the crowd and knelt down to make sure the unconscious man’s airways were clear, and under slightly different circumstances this would have been an unambiguously uplifting thing. But sadly, this narcissistic jackass had to go and make things weird by repeatedly shouting his own name, John Lithgow, into the dying guy’s throat while administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on him.

In fairness to Lithgow, his form is otherwise immaculate, and the loudness with which he’s yelling “JOHN LITHGOW” leaves no doubt that he’s forcing great quantities of much-needed air into the other man’s lungs. The diaphragm control he’s honed over decades performing on stage and screen probably makes him uniquely suited for giving mouth-to-mouth, though it’s definitely a double-edged sword if that dramatic background is also to blame for whatever egomania compels him to keep bellowing “JOHN LITHGOW” over and over like some kind of deranged Pokémon. As slimy as his flagrant showboating feels, we can’t help but be a little impressed that he’s able to enunciate “JOHN LITHGOW” so clearly despite having formed a perfect seal with the other guy’s mouth. A lesser actor could probably only manage a muffled “JORM LIMFGOWNG” under those conditions, though again, it’s hard to imagine anyone else choosing to yell the name “JOHN LITHGOW” in the first place instead of just following normal first aid protocol.

This is a man’s life, John, not some fucking Gilbert and Sullivan bullshit. Have a little respect!

A big part of what makes this all feel so sweaty and desperate is the fact that the internet reliably goes nuts when a celebrity helps out a random stranger like this, and at least three bystanders are recording him on their phones. If Lithgow could just trust the process and not shout his own name down this guy’s throat like a maniac, someone would still inevitably go “Hey, that’s John Lithgow!” and we’d be writing the “Wow, John Lithgow Just Saved A Man’s Life” article he’s so transparently fishing for. But Lithgow’s self-absorption means that this act of genuine heroism will forever have a big asterisk on it, and instead of just singing his praises for potentially saving a man’s life, we’ve got to tell you that he’s throwing in some chest compressions now and keeping a flawless 100 bpm pace by rhythmically shouting “JOHN-LITH-GOW-OF-3RD-ROCK-FROM-THE-SUN-FAME” while he does it.

Boy, some people just always need to be the center of attention. Here’s hoping the dying guy pulls through, because spending your final moments as a prop in John Lithgow’s unseemly publicity stunt sounds like a terrible way to go!