Husband runs to have sex with escort every time we have an argument

DEAR DEIDRE: FOLLOWING any argument we have, my husband licks his wounds by either having sex with an escort or going to a massage parlour.

Other men drown their sorrows down the pub or retreat to the shed but he pays for sex and I’m furious!

I was looking for some paperwork in a drawer when I found a secret phone.

Every text was to a massage parlour, or to one of three escorts arranging appointments.

I felt sick piecing it all together.

From reading the messages it was clear the parlour offered sensual massages.

A quick search engine check threw up reviews that rated the masseuses’ “happy ending” skills.

But it was the discovery that these escorts offer “bareback” — ie, unprotected — sex that really upset me.

I confronted him but he won’t admit anything and swears he doesn’t know where the phone is from.

I am 38 and my husband is 41. We’ve been married for three years.

He gets so angry when I ask for the truth. He threatened to leave, and I had to beg him to stay.

I love my husband more than anything. I just want him to admit what he’s done and understand its effect on me, then we could move on.

Instead he is trying to push all the blame on me.

Not a day goes by when I don’t think about it.

I have booked a sexual health check and I have insisted he gets one too.

I don’t want to be without him, but I also feel as though I am grieving for someone I thought I knew.

We haven’t rowed about this for a couple of weeks as it started to get out of hand the last time, but I can feel it building again.

I’ve no idea what to do or if he’ll do this again.

I want to sort this out between us but how can I trust him?

DEIDRE SAYS: When the trust goes, it’s very hard to get it back.

You have a lot of rage inside that must come out and so many questions you need answering, but at the same time your heart is still telling you that you love him.

You have been betrayed by the one person who should have been there for you.

Be firm – he must stop using massage parlours and visiting escorts if the two of you have a future.

Make sure you look after your physical and mental wellbeing and lean on family and friends as well as talking to your GP.

My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you.