DAVID’S SCANDLOUS YOU-KNOW-WHAT (CARTOON, COLUMN AND VIDEO)

Yesterday, someone commented on my Facebook post about my roughs, telling me to “be careful” because some cartoons could land me in Facebook jail. Seriously? I don’t already know that? I’m the king of being thrown into Facebook and other social media jails. And how am I supposed to be careful with posting my cartoons on Facebook? Maybe I should post them quietly. F–k that…I will post everything thing I draw on Facebook and other social media accounts. I’m not afraid of Facebook jail and REFUSE to allow Facebook or any other platform to dictate (I said “dick”) how I work or what I can publish. Facebook doesn’t pay me. But, at least I know who’s been reporting my cartoons now. F–ers from Florida.

How do I know it’s Florida f—s? Because a school principal in Florida was forced to resign over students seeing a photo of Michelangelo’s “David.” David is naked and his uncircumcised penis is in full view for all to see. It’s like Ken Jeong in one of the Hangover movies, but not as tiny.

Hope Carrasquilla of Tallahassee Classical School in Leon County is now the former principal after being forced to resign. What did you expect to happen in a Florida county named “Leon?” Barney Bishop III, the chair of the school board and a lobbyist (wanna take one guess which party he lobbies?) said Mrs. Carrasquilla voluntarily resigned after they gave her an ultimatum of resigning or being fired. I guess if she had chosen option B then Barney would say she was voluntarily fired.

Barney also said she wasn’t fired for showing the kid’s “David,” but she was canned, I mean, asked to “voluntarily” resign after complaints from three parents who believed the material on David was “controversial” and not age-appropriate for their children.

Barney said she “wasn’t let go because of the artistic nude pictures. We show it every year to our students. The problem with this particular issue was the lack of follow-through on the process.”

They claim the problem is that she didn’t inform parents before educating the kids on “David.” The former principal said two parents were upset about not being bothered and another said it was pornography. But, Barey said they show it to the students every year…so don’t the parents already know this? Since Barney knows this and parents don’t, he should be fired for not “following through.”

Tallahassee Classical follows a curriculum from Hillsdale College, a conservative Christian institution in Michigan that has helped launch dozens of “classical” charter schools nationwide and is required to teach Renaissance art to sixth graders. Clarence Thomas called Hillsdale College a “shining city on a hill” and his wife and insurrectionist Ginni is a lobbyist for the school. The lesson featuring “David” also included images of “The Creation of Adam” fresco painting and “Birth of Venus” by Botticelli.

So the principal was required to teach about “David” but was fired for not telling parents beforehand? If the parents understand their children are going to a school with these requirements, then weren’t they basically already told beforehand? This sounds more like a failure on the parents’ part in understanding what their kids are being taught and what kind of school they’re going to.

A penis is not pornographic. Nudity is not pornographic. It depends on the context. “David” is a classical piece of art. The only people who could be upset over stuff like this are people who want to send their kids to fundamentalist fucknut charter schools.

Florida has enacted bills reshaping education with a Republican mindset, with one limiting education on gender identity and sexual orientation to fourth grade and above and another that prohibited certain ways of teaching about race. Don’t say “gay” and don’t say “black.” Now, there’s another bill that will make “don’t say gay” apply all the way to 12th grade. And then DeSantis is trying to remake colleges into nut troglodyte re-education camps with new courses like Goose-Stepping 101.

Now, there’s another bill in the state legislature that would grant parents greater power to read over and object to school instructional materials and even limit their child’s ability to explore the school library. The bill also bans teaching about health education, sexually transmitted diseases, and human sexuality before the sixth grade. It even bans girls from talking about their menstrual periods. Naturally, a man wrote this bill. His name is Stan and Stan the Florida Man thinks periods are yucky and girls should keep their mysterious lady parts to themselves.

Florida is turning into Afghanistan where talking about periods is also probably outlawed. Florida’s GOP is turning into the Taliban under Ron DeSantis’ leadership with the help of Stan the Florida Man. Hey, can we start calling Florida “Floridastan?”

The problem isn’t with parents having a say in their children’s education, but that parents are having a say over the education of other people’s children. Now, no child at this school will ever learn about classical art because one uptight nag thinks a penis is porn.

“Penis” isn’t even a bad word. Watch. Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis. It’s actually required now if you want to talk about Florida politics because the state is being governed by a bunch of dicks.

I kinda jump on cartoonists who import art into their cartoons. A lot of them are now doing it with backgrounds and logos. I saw quite a few last week with the Silicon Savings Bank logo and I’m always seeing it with the Twitter bird. C’mon, guys. Just draw it. But I made an exception here because there’s no way anyone is going to believe I drew “David.” I’m not trying to trick anyone. I also wanted to use the actual image to show readers exactly what the fuss is about. Will Facebook remove it because of the penis?

I also think the ownership is fair use. I snagged this photo from Wayfair which is selling little statues of it.

I used to joke that editors are always afraid of my cartoons like I’m going to sneak a penis into one of them. I wouldn’t commit career suicide in such a way. I’ve vowed never to draw a penis in one of my cartoons, and guess what. I still haven’t.

My technical issue with this is that I couldn’t color in Procreate on a layer underneath the imported layer. I tried to figure it out and it just wouldn’t work. I even saved the entire cartoon and imported it onto a new canvas and it still wouldn’t work. So, I imported it into Corel which I haven’t used in a couple of years. I forgot how to use it. But it worked…and it was a pain in the ass. God, I hate Corel now.

Watch me draw:

Visit Clay Jones’ website and email him at Clay@claytoonz.com.

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