I’m a midwife – the 6 types of dad we see during labour and the guy who instantly becomes our pet hate
HAVING a baby is such a magical and exciting time, but the labour itself can understandably be daunting – for both you and your other half.
Which is why it’s so important to be as prepared as possible, and have the right support from your birthing partner and midwife.
And if your other half is the one who will be at your side for the birth, you might be unsure how they will react when faced with the unpredictability of labour.
Here, former midwife and The Baby Show expert Rachel FitzD and Megan Smith, Midwife and Antenatal Course Teacher at Bump, Birth and Beyond, share the types of dad and birthing partner they regularly see – and the one dad that they really hate…
The squeamish one
Megan says: “Quite often we see squeamish birth partners come through the door!
“Usually, they are able to suppress their squeamishness and look away, stay up the head end or leave the room if necessary.
“I have only ever seen two dads faint during labour or birth, and one was in a theatre environment which can be quite daunting!
“If you think your birth partner may find it difficult to be present and support you throughout, it may be worth asking a second birth partner to step in when they begin to struggle or have to leave the room.”
The ‘spokesperson‘
Rachel says: “This is my own particular pet hate.
“This is the partner who often has read everything before the women often.
“He is on top of it all and has come to every single appointment even when the midwife may actually find it easier if they’re not, if she wants to ask the woman very private information about her relationship as we do have to ask questions about abuse and having a partner there if it is not helpful.
“You will know if you’re this partner if your midwife sends you out of errands, for example could you pop to the desk and ask for a thermometer or blood results and then can you go and get me a cup of tea?
“If they ask you those type of errands, it’s because you’re the spokesperson and the midwife wants you out of the way!”
The super-supportive one
Megan says: “It is incredibly important for your birth partner to be supportive… that’s the whole point!
“They know you best, they know what your wishes are, the kind of pain management you’d like way before the midwife will.
“You have been preparing your birth partner for 9 months on how you want them to be during your labour and birth.
“Midwives are more than happy to step back (if safe to do so) and allow your birth partner to support.
“The super-supportive ones tend to be giving words of encouragement, back rubs, providing the snacks and drinks, applying the lip balm, holding the fan.”
Top Tips for Birth Partners
Here, Megan shares her top tips for any birth partner;
- Do your research – know the different types of birth or induction, learn where to go on arrival to the hospital, the numbers to call and where to park.
- Attend antenatal classes together – be informed together to make informed decisions on your birth.
- Understand what support is wanted and needed – and remember, everyone is different!
- Take care of yourself – if you feel unwell you will not be any help, stay hydrated and rest when possible.
- Make memories – take pictures! They may never be viewed but it’s better to have the option rather than regret not having any.
- Manage your own fears – if you are overwhelmed, you will not be supportive. Mentally prepare yourself for what is to come.
- Distraction – In the early stages it is important to keep busy and carry on doing ‘normal’ things, like watching a film, listening to music or going for a walk.
- Make it feel like home – women labour better when calm and relaxed. Take portable home comforts to make it feel like home i.e snacks or an extra pillow.
- Be an advocate – there may be occasions where mum becomes tired, overwhelmed, stressed and may ask you to find a midwife, call the midwife or simply voice her feelings or thoughts.
- Prepare for after birth – stock the cupboards, create easy prep meals, clean and tidy the house. Expect the first few days to be a pleasant blur!
The completely unprepared one
Megan says: “These birth partners come in looking like a dear in the headlights…terrified, confused and uneasy.
“Or they come in very laid-back.
“Either way, these birth partners have no idea of what is to come.
“They ask lots of basic questions and often find it difficult to identify what their role is and how they can ‘help’ or ‘support’.
“These partners tend to feel quite uncomfortable.
“This can have a negative impact on the support aspect of the role and therefore the birth experience for the women.
“It is important that if this is the case, they speak up so the midwife can support the birth partner too.”
The strong silent hero
Rachel says: “These are partners who don’t say much, they may not have read a single book but, you know that they are there when you need them.
“They can just be very quiet in the background, and can be a godsend in the labour room.
“But they will just without saying a word, see when a brow needs mopping, or a back need rubbing or if the midwife and partner need something to eat.
“Got to love the strong silent type.
“The downside is that they may not always advocate for the woman when the woman cannot advocate for themselves.”
The ‘Panicker’
Megans says: “The ‘Panickers’ often arrive quite stressed, tense, and anxious.
“They seem quite caught up on timings, are unsettled when things change from normal, appear nervous when machines start beeping.
“These birth partners are challenging as their behaviours often influence the mums and the whole room can end up in panic.
“If you are someone who knows they may be a ‘Panicker’ it may be worth doing your research.
“Speaking to the midwives, attending antenatal classes together, attending hypno-birthing together, or maybe suggest as second birth partner is present to keep the atmosphere composed.”
Megan adds: “Birth partners provide valuable support during labour.
“It is important you choose someone who you will feel comfortable with, someone who will help you feel calm and reassured.
“The main role of a birth partner is to support and encourage you during labour and birth.
“In early labour they can provide you with company, a chat, distraction.
“As labour progresses, they should provide practical support (getting you drinks, holding your fan, feeding you snacks, changing the song on the playlist!
“They should also give you physical support, so rubbing your back, helping you adjust positions, helping you to and from the toilet or shower, assisting you in and out of the pool, wiping a cool flannel on your face.
“Most importantly, they need to provide emotional support.”
The Baby Show, the UK’s leading pregnancy and parenting event, is coming to Manchester 14-16 April for the first time.