Miss Manners: Am I bad friend to ignore his bizarre dining practice?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went out to dinner with a friend and he did something so odd and unappetizing when eating soup: He put a spoonful of soup in his mouth, then squirted some of it out (as a baby would), then scraped that excess soup from his lips with the spoon and loaded it in again.
He did this over and over until the bowl was empty. It was as though he was both the baby being fed and the parent feeding the baby.
He’s a dear friend, and I’m not sure if I should say something to him. I’m afraid it’ll embarrass him and could cause him to become defensive or even unfriend me. But I hate to think what other people are thinking of him when they see him eat soup. He goes out for meals frequently with clients and friends.
Should I keep it to myself, knowing I’m maybe not being the best friend? Or point it out and take the real chance of losing his friendship? I’m torn.
GENTLE READER: Ew. Still, correcting another person’s manners is rude.
This is not to say there are no circumstances in which a higher duty would take precedence. Were your friend sloshing his alcohol, rather than his soup, while making unwanted advances to the waitstaff, Miss Manners could see a duty to intervene.
But in the case you cite, the proper course is to move out of immediate range and not watch.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Being blown off for meetings, including my one-on-ones, has taken the wind out of my sails, professionally.
My supervisor is routinely late to our team meetings and even ghosts them at least weekly, typically without explanation. And when she joins late, it’s almost as if she considers her arrival the actual start time, resulting in meetings going over. Many of us feel pressure to stay while also needing to be elsewhere.
I’m pretty new to this office, and to me, this is a very bad sign about how the company values (or doesn’t value) its staff and their time. Any suggestions for handling this situation that won’t get me admonished by the supervisor?
GENTLE READER: The way to manage the boss is to bring her a problem for her to manage: “I realize you are swamped, which is why you can’t make all these meetings. What should we do? Do you want us to reschedule, or should we go ahead without you? The meetings that run late are causing us to miss appointments with clients — for those, should people just leave when they need to?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are funerals for the deceased or for the bereaved?
If a family member disagrees about the manner of the service, should that supersede the wishes of the deceased? Should someone make their own funeral/burial plans, knowing the family will be upset, or should they just not bother since they will never know the outcome anyway?
GENTLE READER: Better to ask who is in charge. To that question, Miss Manners answers that the principal mourner (usually a spouse) is in charge, for right or wrong.
It is safe to assume that the deceased would prefer some aspects of the service being not quite right to a distracting public struggle over the body.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.