My ex has a hold over me and I can’t seem to break the cycle of letting him back
DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex-boyfriend has broken up with me countless times. But even though it’s clear he doesn’t want to be with me, he won’t let go.
Every time I feel I’m starting to move on, he campaigns to win me back, then dumps me again. I can’t break the hold he has on me.
I’m 37 and dream of having a family, but fear I’m running out of time.
He’s 40. We’ve been together, on and off, for eight years.
The pattern is always the same: He tells me how special I am, that he can’t live without me, and eventually lures me back into bed.
Weeks later he starts picking fights and making me feel worthless.
He blames me for everything, then breaks up with me, until the next time. It’s like he has a sixth sense and knows when I’m starting to feel stronger.
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Recently, I’ve been getting on with a colleague really well.
He’s kind and modest – the complete opposite of my ex – and I’ve even been daydreaming about starting a relationship with him.
My workmate has even asked me out on a date but I’m in bits because my ex has started love-bombing me.
I know it’s not a healthy relationship but I’ve no idea how to get out of the cycle.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are not foolish or weak.
Your ex’s behaviour is selfish and abusive. After eight years, you know nothing will change.
You are worth more than the morsels of a relationship he throws your way when it suits him.
You have a chance at real happiness with your work colleague or perhaps someone completely different.
Tell your ex this time you are over for good. Block him on your phone and social media.
My support pack Addictive Love tells you more about this type of relationship and how to move on from it.