Dear Abby: My ex lives with us, but daughter wants her out
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were married 21 years ago. Since then, she has admitted to cheating with 10 different men. Each time, I stayed with her, hoping she’d change. I finally left 3 1/2 years ago because I couldn’t take it anymore. She became homeless, but for the past year and a half she has been living with my daughter and me because I saw her on the street one day and she looked terrible.
We are now moving, and my daughter wants her mother to get a job (she’s capable of getting one). My ex refused to get one to help pay the bills. Now I’m faced with another dilemma: Should I let her go on her own or fight for her to stay with us? My daughter is completely against her living with us. My income is limited. I’m on disability for a bad heart. My ex is 43, and I’m 58. Can you please advise? — NOT LOOKING BACK IN COLORADO
DEAR NOT LOOKING BACK: Your daughter is right. You are disabled and on a limited income, and your ex-wife is able-bodied. With her out of there, your expenses will be lower.
Nowhere in your letter did you mention that you still love this parasite, nor did you mention whether she has changed her ways. Your responsibility for her ended when the marriage did. Encourage her to reach out to her relatives for a place to stay, or guide her to a shelter. But not only should you let her go, you must find the strength to insist upon it.
DEAR ABBY: I consider myself a modest woman in today’s world. I have a new granddaughter that my daughter-in-law nurses anywhere, at any time, regardless of who she is around. I told my son she should cover herself in restaurants and other public places. I get embarrassed when she just pulls out a breast for anyone to see. She’s European, and I understand it is more common there, but not so much in America. Am I overreacting? — LOOKING AWAY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR LOOKING AWAY: I think so. Nursing mothers are no longer relegated to feeding their infants in bathrooms as they were years ago. However, because you are embarrassed at the sight of your daughter-in-law nursing, consider leaving the table until she is finished to preserve your modesty.
DEAR ABBY: Often I find myself seated near people who either speak too loudly or talk constantly without stopping, both of which annoy me. This usually happens in restaurants, when I’m trying to enjoy a nice meal, although it also happened recently on a train. My seatmate was talking to the passenger across the aisle. What can be done in such situations, hopefully in a polite way? — TRYING TO RELAX
DEAR TRYING: A restaurant patron can quietly ask to move his or her seat to a quieter location. On public transportation, you should have offered to give your seat to the person across the aisle so your seat partner could continue the conversation without shouting across.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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