Honest Office Haiku for the Impending Recession
“We Need to Synch Our Agile
Framework with Our Projected Workflow”
Okay, listen up.
I don’t know what you just said.
Am I getting axed?
- - -
“We’re Instituting a ‘Return-to-Office’ Mandate
to Improve Company Performance”
What saves you money,
And would help prevent layoffs?
No more offices.
- - -
“Is This a Realistic Timeline for This Project?”
Absolutely not.
It’s the work of three people,
with no overtime.
- - -
“Do You Have a Minute to Talk?”
Oh no. This is it.
Hold on, you just need a file?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?
- - -
“Happy Employee Appreciation Day!”
Are you kidding me?
We know layoffs are coming.
Thanks for the free pen.
- - -
“Be Grateful You Have a Job!”
I am overworked,
underpaid, and have no help.
Gratitude is hard.
- - -
“I’m Going to Take Unpaid PTO to Help the Company”
Go ahead, Brian.
But you’re a fool if you think
this will save your job.
- - -
“You Have Nothing to Worry About”
I don’t believe you.
You laid off half the workforce.
Should I ignore this?
- - -
“Just Remember: We’re All in This Together”
Oh, okay, Gary.
Is that why you gave yourself
a raise and not us?
- - -
“We’re a Family”
Shut up shut up shut
up shut up shut up shut up
please shut the fuck up.