My best friend is my ex’s new wife – people often ask if we’re polygamous, it’s hilarious
ANA Oosterhouse, 35, is from Utah, USA.
She reveals how she and her new husband built a blended family with her ex and his new love.
My youngest child, Hunter, excitedly tore open presents on his eighth birthday surrounded by his siblings, while my husband Dylan and I sat with my ex-husband Luciano and his wife Anne sharing a bottle of wine.
Anne and I laughed, reminiscing about our recent girls’ trip to a festival, while Dylan and Luciano arranged their weekly bowling night.
Many people find it strange that my husband and I are so close with my ex and his wife, but the four of us are the best of friends.
Luciano, 37, and I were together for 10 years and share four beautiful daughters, Sirayah, 19, Katarina, 17, Nyomie, 15, and Zoey, 13.
He and Anne have a daughter, Cadence, 10, while my husband Dylan, 37, and I have two children together, Juliana, 10, and Hunter, eight.
Our families hang out around three times a week.
Our lives are completely blended, and the friendship I’ve built with Anne, 35, brings me such joy – we enjoy lunches, painting classes and getting the girls ready for dances.
But it hasn’t always been that way.
Luciano and I were just 14 and 16 when we became high-school sweethearts.
We married in December 2005 when I was 18, and I felt like we would be together forever.
But at that young age, neither of us knew how to navigate marriage or the stress of having four children under seven.
We fought a lot over small things, and by March 2011 we realised we were no longer working as a couple.
I was heartbroken. Divorce is something that no one wants to go through, but I knew we both deserved to be happy.
We shared custody of the girls, who split their time between our two homes.
Sirayah, then seven, took it the hardest and asked lots of questions.
Whenever they left to spend time with their dad, it was heart-wrenching – I missed them every minute they were away.
Luciano and I only communicated about schedules and the kids, and we’d end up disagreeing a lot during phone calls.
Despite my grief over the end of my marriage, I was open to meeting someone new.
I had never dated before, so putting myself out there made sense.
When Dylan and I met at a bar a few months after my split with Luciano, I loved how confident and chivalrous he was.
He wined and dined me, where Luciano hadn’t.
Around the same time, Luciano met Anne. At first, it was strange seeing them together.
Part of me felt jealous, but I knew that was only natural.
When Anne became pregnant in September 2011, I realised she’d be in my daughters’ lives for good, so I invited her to watch Disney On Ice with us.
That day, a weight lifted, and seeing how she interacted with my girls, I realised she genuinely cared for them and was trying to be the best stepmum she could.
Around that time, Luciano was dropping the kids back to me and asked to meet Dylan.
The two of them had a drama-free chat and shook hands, which was heart-warming.
I don’t think Dylan ever felt threatened, because by that point our relationship was solid.
Luciano and Anne married in 2013, and Dylan and I tied the knot two years later.
We celebrated our first Easter all together in April 2014, which was a big milestone.
I loved seeing the kids having the best time, and the four of us enjoyed each other’s company so much that we started hanging out more and more often.
Initially, it felt awkward with Luciano – but I knew that, despite it all, we still had a friendship and everything would be OK.
In the 12 years we’ve been co-parenting, there have been some funny moments, such as the teachers at school parents’ evening thinking Anne was my new partner when the two of us went because Luciano couldn’t make it.
When the four of us are out, people often ask if we’re polygamous. It really tickles us!
When you share custody of kids, it can be heartbreaking not getting to celebrate big moments with them.
I used to feel like part of me was missing, but now we celebrate birthdays and holidays together.
The kids are more settled and everyone can relax – there’s no hostility or schedule we have to stick to, and they know we’ll work together, no matter what.
Of course, it hasn’t all been plain sailing.
Navigating four opinions on parenting was initially challenging – for instance, with the kids going back and forth telling me one thing, when it’s not the complete picture.
But all of us being able to communicate certainly helps.
Setting boundaries for the step-parents was hard, too – like having conversations around wanting them to be part of some things, but not others – though thankfully we worked it out.
Anne and I talk about our marriages and issues, not only because we co-parent but because we are best friends.
Even our sex lives aren’t off-limits! I don’t see her as “my ex’s wife” – it’s just two friends complaining about our husbands.
I can empathise with her, but not because I was married to Luciano.
People change and different people bring out different personalities in someone.
No one ever gets jealous. At this point, Luciano and I have a sibling-like relationship.
As we were so young when we married, it’s a distant memory.
When we go to sports games together and the kids run up to us for hugs, I can feel strangers looking confused.
“But once people know we’re a blended family, they think it’s remarkable.
We’re always asked how we got to this point, and that’s why we created a podcast to share our parenting story, called Two4Seven.
It’s about myself and Anne raising four shared children, with seven kids in total.
We wanted to raise awareness of the success and happiness that can come once you embrace step-parents who want to be there for your kids and love them.
I want women to know it’s OK to let others become a motherly figure to your kids, because no one can break the bond you have.”
Anna says...
Anne Salazar, 35, a real-estate agent, says: “My first thought when I met Ana was that she was beautiful, but crazy, in the best possible way!
The more time we spent together, the more we liked each other.
We have the best time, and making sure the entire family is having fun has been my favourite part of becoming her best friend.
“I never feel threatened by her previous relationship with Luciano.
“Being a stepmum wasn’t a strange concept for me, as I’d grown up with a step-parent, and they provided me with the best example of how to give a child extra love.
“There were nerves, as I was stepping into the unknown, but I was excited.
“Being a blended family works, and my favourite bit is knowing that we have each other’s backs. I can’t imagine it any other way.”