14 Funny Yet Mortifying Things Kids Have Shouted In Public

Kids really do say the darndest things, often at the most inopportune times.

It seems you’re always out and about – at the grocery store, school drop-off, a restaurant or a public restroom – when your child decides to roast you, blow up your spot or shout something inappropriate at full-volume. 

Yep, it’s mortifying, but it’s also (usually) pretty funny – at least in retrospect. 

We asked the HuffPost Parents community to share their most memorable stories and pulled in some from Twitter as well. 

Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length. 

“In church at my grandfather’s funeral, my daughter wiggles her fingers like a magician and says, ‘Abra cadabra, make this body disappear!’ Followed later in the service with, ‘Can you see my farts?’” — Chuck C. 

“Was in Sam’s Club doing the grocery shopping with my then-5-year-old, who was learning to read at the time. He was reading me each item on the grocery list. He got to pantyliners and in the loudest voice you can imagine, he says ‘MOMMY, WHAT ARE PANTY LINERS?’

“I hushed him and told him I would tell him in a minute, but he kept repeating ‘MOMMY, WHAT ARE PANTY LINERS?’ The older gentleman in the aisle could not contain his laughter. From that day forward, the grocery list contained the initials ‘PL.’” — Christine G. 

“At a supermarket at maybe 9 a.m. or 10 a.m., my then-3-year-old says with what appeared to be a voice as loud and clear as the morning sun itself: ‘Mom, are you having wine for breakfast?’

“I was getting two bottles of beetroot juice for the baby shower we were on our way to. A few days earlier we had been to a fancy wine store to get a present for my father-in-law, so I suppose that was the reason. But honestly in the moment I was too embarrassed to remember. I doubt I have ever made it out of a supermarket faster before or since then.” — Ida S. 

“I was at a baseball game with my son, around age 4, and I took him in the bathroom with me. He asked me where my penis was, to which I replied, ‘I don’t have a penis.’ And then he YELLED, ‘No penis today?!’ Loud enough for the whole bathroom to hear.” — Courtney E. 

“My son once said, very loudly to all who could hear, while we were getting changed at the swimming pool, ‘Mummy, why do you have a beard on your bottom?’” — F.H. 

“At a bookstore, I took my daughter, probably age 4 or so, with me into the stall where I had to change a tampon. She narrated the entire process, ‘What’s that, Mommy? Why is it red? That’s blood? What are you doing with it? What are you doing with that white thing? Why are you putting it there?’

“And when I came out there was a woman in her early 50s just shaking with laughter. I said, ‘You now know more about me than you ever wanted to,’ and she said her daughter was 17 and it was a pleasant reminder of those early years.” — Liz C. 

“At kindergarten orientation, my son kept calling tadpoles sperm.” — Brittany O.