Six “Must-Have” Starter Kits for Climbers
“Twenty-two feet of tubular webbing, one Figure 8 device, one locking carabiner, six oval or D carabiners, helmet, comfortable clothing, rain jacket, water, snacks, sunblock”—so read the list for my first-ever climbing course, taught by the New Mexico Mountain Club in the late 1980s.
I used these items well during the Introduction to Rock Climbing course and for some time thereafter, until I upgraded to better gear, like a proper sit harness instead of a thigh-strangling swami belt fashioned from the webbing. The total cost for this starter kit was less than $50—to save money on the biggest-ticket item, the helmet, I just used my bicycle helmet—which is relatively modest for starting a new sport from scratch compared to, say, skiing, golf, or luxury yachting. (I’m still saving up for my first superyacht; if anyone wants to start a GoFundMe page on my behalf, have at it. I’ll name the boat after you and you can visit me at the marina in Monaco—maybe.)
Decades later, starter kits, a.k.a. starter packs a.k.a. starterpacks would become internet memes that rank, for my money, among some of the funniest memes out there, getting directly at the heart of human and animal foibles by showing the various items employed for some of our more absurd, but universally acknowledged, behaviors. Just a couple of gems include the “Where cats like to throw up” starter pack (showing all the carpet and upholstery in a room—but not the hard, easily cleanable surfaces) and the “Kyle Starter Pack,” which takes a head-on dig at overly testosterone’d young bros who wear tank tops, drink Monster Energy, punch holes in drywall, drive man trucks, wear wrap-around shades, etc. You get the idea.
Well, it’s time our little sport got the starter-kit treatment too. I’m surprised we’ve gone this long without there being more incisive memes out there about climbing starter kits, which goes to show that we’re all too busy climbing (a good thing) to talk trash properly (a dying art, IMO, and literally the only form of entertainment on pre-Internet rest days, which would explain why my generation is better at slander than at climbing). I’d also point out that it’s a sad situation when a 51-year-old dad of three who spends his day hiding from the world in his basement or up in obscure gullies on choss first ascents—by design, the most out-of-touch climber in human history–is the person coming up with memes. C’mon, climbing internet, step your game up! I’ve got these six starter kits here, but for sure there are others we could all be coming up with (“Burned-out climbing-writer starter kit” would be one example).
Matt Samet is a freelance writer/editor and longtime climber based in Boulder, Colorado.
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