Sad: This Understaffed Middle School’s Sex Ed Classes Are Taught By A Big Mouth Billy Bass Toy That’s Been Reprogrammed To Explain Menstruation

If you needed any proof that public education is sorely underfunded in this country, look no further: This understaffed middle school’s sex ed classes are taught by a Big Mouth Billy Bass toy that’s been reprogrammed to explain menstruation. 

Absolutely shameful. Our kids deserve so much better!

With no room left in their threadbare budget to hire a qualified instructor, administrators at Farnsley Middle School in Shively, Kentucky, were recently left with no choice but to leave the sex ed curriculum in the hands—or fins, rather—of a modified Big Mouth Billy Bass, which flaps around and explains the menstrual cycle in 60-second increments before shutting off, requiring a student to press its button to make it start again. As if not having an actual certified instructor to ask questions about sensitive sexual matters wasn’t bad enough, the animatronic fish’s lessons are frequently undermined by lingering aspects of its original programming, such as its silly dance moves and its propensity towards loudly belting out Al Green’s “Take Me To The River” at random times without warning. 

But it gets worse. The singing bass’s tinny voice still makes references to fishing in its explanations of the female reproductive system, such as recommending that those with a heavier flow “keep extra tampons in their tackle box,” or how “if no sperm takes the bait and fertilization doesn’t occur, the female body reels in her lure, sheds its old uterine lining, and prepares to cast off again.” This chaotic jumble of terminologies has proven to be incredibly confusing for some students, who, left with the impression that reproductive functions and fish are somehow related, might now grow up dangerously ill-informed about their own bodies. Administrators at the school are aware of this issue, but unfortunately, according to the principal, they “literally have no idea how to fix it and can’t afford to hire anyone who does.”

What a damning indictment of the state of public education in the U.S.!

These poor kids. Hopefully they’ll somehow be able to receive some clearer, more accurate information about sexual health to supplement the lessons taught by the Big Mouth Billy Bass, and hopefully lawmakers will start fighting for more funding for schools like this one before core subjects like math, science, and history end up getting taught by reprogrammed singing fish, too.