Harriette Cole: I wonder if they think I’m trying to poach their men

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I go to visit my sister in her summer community, it is awkward. She and all of her friends are coupled up. I am recently single.

When I visit her, I’m not looking for a partner, I’m just there to chill, but at some point it feels weird for me to be the only one who is not with someone. I feel like her friends notice it, too.

I know that once, years ago, there was a woman friend who came around, and she tried to seduce one of the husbands. That piece of history only makes things worse. I want to spend time with my sister, but I’m not sure how to handle those awkward moments.

— Third Wheel

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: What can you do with yourself when cuddle time comes around? Is there nightlife where your sister summers? Can you physically go out when the couples start to nestle in? Can you go to your room and read, watch movies or otherwise occupy yourself? Can you bring a friend with whom you can spend time?

There have got to be solutions that allow everyone to feel comfortable and for you to continue to visit your sister. Don’t give up. Get creative.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend had a baby with someone who clearly expressed that he did not want to have children. My friend went ahead with the pregnancy anyway, and now her partner is absent in the child’s life, leaving her to care for the baby on her own.

To be honest, I am not sure what to do or how to react.

I understand that she is going through a tough time, but I can’t help feeling frustrated about her decision. She knew that her partner didn’t want to have a baby, yet she went ahead and had one anyway. Why should she be surprised when he’s not present in their child’s life?

I feel for her and am here for her, but how can I support her when I think she made the wrong decision?

— Trying To Understand

DEAR TRYING TO UNDERSTAND: You can be a supportive friend even when you don’t align with all of your friend’s choices, and you can say as much to her. In fact, expressing your thoughts about her situation may help her to gain perspective and eventually accept full responsibility for her decision.

You do need to pick your moment to have a heart-to-heart with her at a time when you believe she has the brain space to listen.

Help your friend to see that the father of her child is not necessarily being a deadbeat dad by being absent if he made his feelings clear to her and she ignored him.

Of course it is ideal for a child to grow up with the support and care from both parents, but that also requires that both parents were and are willing participants in the decision to have a child.

I know there are those who will argue that since he helped make the child, he should be responsible. That is a valid point as well.

In this day and age, when the debate about abortion is roaring through our country, one reality comes to the fore: You should think about the consequences of your actions very carefully. One moment of fun can create a life. Will you be responsible for that life if it manifests?

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.