My abusive ex blames me for our split – maybe she’s right

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I’ve finally broken up with my abusive ex-girlfriend, she still blames me for everything.

She was living with me in my flat and claims I’ve made her homeless because I asked her to leave. But I had no choice.

I’m 37 and she’s 34. We were together for four years until two months ago.

From the moment she moved in, she changed and became verbally abusive.

Nothing I ever did was good enough. She put me down, told me I was rubbish in bed, swore at me and made me believe black was white.

One night we had an enormous fight and she became violent.

I realised I couldn’t carry on. She’s never once taken responsibility for the relationship going wrong.

As far as she’s concerned, she is faultless and I’m the one who caused our split.

Sometimes, I even wonder if it is all my fault. I actually ended up apologising to her.

Despite everything, I still love and miss her. I’ve blocked her but am tempted to get back in touch.

I can’t imagine ever being able to trust anyone again or have another serious relationship.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Please don’t contact her.

It is hard recovering from an abusive relationship but you can build up your confidence again.

Some people refuse to admit they are ever at fault, making it impossible to reason with them or to work through issues.

When someone has gaslit you and made you question your version of events, it’s common to feel guilt. But you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Now you need support to recover from this relationship and move forward with your life.

Call the Respect Men’s Advice Line, for male victims of domestic abuse (mensadviceline.org.uk, Freephone 0808 8010327). Ask your GP about counselling. My support back about this tells you more.

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