I’m horrified to find my husband has been using our children’s VR kit to watch porn
DEAR DEIDRE: MY world came crashing down when I discovered that my husband has been having virtual-reality sex with young women.
I’m completely horrified, especially as this kind of porn feels so intimate, and ever since I’ve been unable to look at him in the same way.
We’ve been married for 20 years. I’m 46 and he’s 51.
Knowing that he’s been watching this stuff, when we have three daughters together — who are nine, 14 and 17 — is breaking my heart.
What bothers me the most is how real it seems.
When I accidentally stumbled across it on his internet history I had no idea what it even was.
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Upon further inspection, I quickly realised he had been using the new VR headset we had bought for the kids for Christmas to view immersive porn.
The worst part is that every video seemed to feature women who are all at least half my age.
To be honest, I feel disgusted and I’ve been struggling to come to terms with what I have seen.
He’s such a good husband and father, so I can’t get my head around why he would watch this stuff.
He has been viewing it regularly since Christmas and I am worried sick that he secretly harbours desires for a much younger woman.
I’ve even started to notice the way he openly looks at any female under 30 in public.
I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about it but I haven’t said anything to him yet.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is understandable that you are shocked and upset, but it’s important to remember that his search history doesn’t necessarily mean your husband wants to have sex with other younger women in reality.
While you have every right to be concerned, very often pornography sites use algorithms that can direct the person watching towards more extreme videos.
It could be that your husband has fallen into this and is taking an interest in things he otherwise wouldn’t.
It’s important that you talk to him and tell him that you are worried.
Let him know that it makes you uncomfortable, you feel disrespected and ask him to stop.
Say you’ll support him to get help if necessary.
I’m sending you my support pack Upset By Pornography which explains more.