Harriette Cole: My family isn’t happy about my peanut brittle obsession

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 50-year-old man, and in 2020 I launched a business that makes peanut brittle.

I have been focusing a lot of my attention on the business. It’s reached a point where I can barely focus on anything else, and I find myself extremely distracted during my day job and when I’m with my family. My wife and kids have noticed this change in my behavior and aren’t happy about it.

I came to this country to go to college and eventually start my own business. It took me 25 years to do this, and now I feel as though I desperately need to make it work. Everything is riding on the success of my business.

How do I manage to take a step back and be present when I’m not working on projects for my business?

Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: This may be a time when you have to devote most of your free time to your business in order to set it up for success. What you must do is communicate clearly with your family.

Apologize to them for being absent when you normally would be present. Explain that you believe that focusing your efforts on your business is the only way to make it successful. Ask for their support and forgiveness during this period. Admit that you don’t know how long it will take, but you do need their understanding.

Then create a schedule that includes some time each week that you can carve out for them. It could be as simple as having a meal with them where you listen and pay attention to what matters to them. Maybe take a drive with them to do chores, or watch a show together on the couch. Focus on them without getting distracted, and they might see that you are making an effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom keeps having me buy her food, and it is quite frustrating.

I am a 20-year-old college student, and I have moved in with my parents for the summer because I am working an internship in the area to develop my career and save for a study abroad trip next spring.

Since I’ve been working, my mom thinks that I have all the money in the world to be able to buy us both food. So far, I have spent about $200 on food for her, and summer has only just begun.

It’s hard to communicate to her that I don’t appreciate this and need to save money when I am living under her roof.

How can I address the situation without causing my mom any distress? I need to find a resolution regarding her expectation that I will pay for our dinners.

Unfair Fees

DEAR UNFAIR FEES: Sounds like you and your mom didn’t make a plan for how expenses would be allocated this summer. It is time to get clarification instead of harboring resentment.

Before you approach her, consider what the household expenses are. Food, rent or mortgage, utilities, gasoline … anything else? Which payments does your mother require you to help with?

While you may not have expected to pay for anything, it is reasonable for her to ask you to contribute to the family budget if you are living at home and working.

Sit down with her. Tell her that you didn’t expect to have to pay for so much food. Point out how much you are earning and ask her if there is a compromise you can reach so that there will be something left for you to put away for next year.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.