Harriette Cole: People are saying my friend’s bad news is just a scam to get money

DEAR HARRIETTE: Earlier this year, I was informed that my best friend’s girlfriend — and the mother of his children — was diagnosed with cancer. I do not share a close relationship with her because I find her a little shady, but I extended my support to both of them.

Recently, I was told by someone close to the couple that my friend’s girlfriend never had cancer and that they’ve both been lying about it. They lied not only to me, but to everyone they know. It was supposed to be some type of crowdfunding scam.

When I confronted my friend, he claimed that she was in remission. However, I feel that if she had actually been in remission, he would’ve told me sooner, because that’s such major news.

Could the entire situation be a lie? I am feeling very conflicted. I want to believe my friend’s explanation but cannot ignore the possibility that they lied to me.

I feel that there’s no proper way to address this. If she really does have cancer, I sound like an awful person for accusing her of lying. What should I do?

Sticky Situation

DEAR STICKY SITUATION: There really is nothing that you can do. You already approached your friend about it, and he did not admit to lying.

You may never learn the truth about the woman’s health, but you can remember to trust your instincts. You started off by saying that you consider her to be shady. Don’t forget that.

If they go for another round of crowdfunding, do not participate, and do not ask others to give either. Stay neutral. That means you shouldn’t spread any rumors about them either way. Just step back and live your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was married to a wealthy man, I had a lot of friends. However, after the divorce, it seems like I lost most of them.

I find it really difficult to deal with because these friends meant a lot to me, and we had a long history. Most of these women knew me before I was wealthy, so I don’t understand why they would be acting this way now.

My lifestyle has changed since the divorce, and I feel like I am left with only a few close friends.

How can I deal with my new reality?

Friendless

DEAR FRIENDLESS: Sadly, when people divorce, they often shed friends.

People choose one spouse over the other. If you were friends with couples, some may not want to stay connected to single people. It could also be, in your case, that some want to continue the wealthy lifestyle that you no longer enjoy.

Whatever the reasons, it is normal for some friends to fall away when divorce occurs, adding to an already painful situation. It also shows you who your friends really are.

Now is your time to reset. All you need are a few true friends. Look around and notice who is still there for you. Those are the people who are important. You may need to mourn the loss of the others, but don’t linger there too long.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.