21 signs you’re a horse nut

Clicking at slow-moving cars, “trotting” to the shop, rocking a rider’s tan and using all your annual leave on going to events. Sound familiar? Here are 21 signs that you’re a horse nut…

1. Clicking at cars and people — anything that can move — when they are moving slower than you.

2. Having your vet’s number on speed dial, but you can’t even remember the name of your doctor.

3. Trimming your horse’s fetlocks on a weekly basis, but having no idea when you last saw a hairdresser.

4. Putting your weekly food shopping on the back seat, because your car boot is full with horsey stuff.

5. Walking into Tesco wearing coloured breeches, knee-length patterned socks and pumps. You can’t guarantee your face isn’t dirty or there isn’t straw in your hair either.

6. Finger nails— chewed, worn or broken, and rarely clean.

7. When your family member or friend falls off, you automatically run to the horse first.

8. Forget farmer tans, you’ve been rocking a rider one for years. Your face and arms look like you’ve been in the Caribbean for months, but your legs are always white.

9. Going into work on a Monday morning for a rest following a hectic horsey weekend.

10. Telling someone to “kick on” when you want them to do something, even when they’re not on a horse.

11. Saying you need to “trot” to the shop, bank or around the corner.

12. Finding plaiting bands, half packets of Polos, a mane comb and other similar items in the bottom of your handbag.

13. Having two wardrobes — one for best and one for the yard.

14. Talking of wardrobes, your horse’s is at least three times the size of yours.

15. You describe everything as chestnut, dark bay, grey…

16. You can take or leave clothes shopping, but walking into a tack shop excites you.

17. Paying for a several-thousand-pound saddle on your credit card and calling it an investment.

18. Thinking it strange that people waste their annual leave lying on a beach. Competing is your holiday.

19. Declining after work drinks because you need to clean tack for tomorrow’s competition.

20. Keeping hand lotion on your desk to mask garlic smells after mixing early-morning feeds.

21. Eyeing up hedges and logs — anything jumpable — on the side of the road while you’re driving along.

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