Matot-Masei parsha: Feeling the presence of the deceased
Only Aaron’s specific date of death is recorded in the Torah: “And Aaron died…in the fifth month [Av], on the first day of the month” (Numbers 33:38).
We remember the deceased on the yahrzeit, the anniversary, of their death rather than on their birthdate. After all, a person’s future accomplishments are unknown at birth. Upon death, they can be recalled.
Ecclesiastes says, “More good [tov] is the day of death than the day of birth” (Ecclesiastes 7:1). The text does not say the day of death is happier than the day of birth – indeed, it is not. Rather, it is “more good.” Note that in the Genesis creation story, goodness [ki tov] is not mentioned after Adam is created, as the term can only be used after one has lived a meaningful life.
It is said that the key symbol in the listing dates of birth and death on a tombstone is the dash in between. That dash denotes all one has done in a lifetime.
The challenge of death is to keep the goodness, the legacy, the dash of the deceased alive. This idea is reflected in the Mourner’s Kaddish. Its most important term is the word Shemeh, found in each of its sections, which literally means “His name,” referring to the shem Hashem (name of the Lord), two words that encapsulate the mission of Judaism.
When Abraham and Sarah arrive in Israel, they build an altar and “va’yikra b’shem Hashem” (called out in the name of the Lord; Genesis 12:8). Their calling is far more, however, than the utterance of God’s name, also encompassing the larger mission of Judaism – to bring ethical monotheism into the world.
When reciting the Mourner’s Kaddish, the bereaved offers gratitude to the deceased for living a life of Shmeh. And so, the term Shmeh is found throughout the Kaddish, beginning with Yitgadal v’yitkadash Shmeh rabba. Even if the deceased would not have couched his or her contribution in godly terms, thanksgiving is offered more broadly for the good the deceased did – leaving the world a better place.
Most importantly, the Kaddish is in the future tense. Yitgadal is the future reflexive of gadol (magnified); v’yitkadash is the future reflexive of kadosh (sanctified). While death is death, the influence of the deceased lives on.
More broadly, the Kaddish may be an educational tool, teaching the bereaved to move from loving through “contact” to loving through “presence.” Contact is associated with life relationships. It occurs when individuals are physically near or talking or emailing one another. After death, relationships with the deceased are metaphysical. In this state, one can constantly feel what can be called the “presence” of the deceased.
In certain ways, “presence” is more powerful than “contact,” as it is not limited to any particular place; one can potentially feel the “presence” of the deceased anywhere, and for that matter, at any time.
The yahrzeit of Aaron the high priest is singled out, as he is the paragon of “loving peace and pursuing peace,” extraordinary virtues, especially when considering that he played a major role in leading the Israelites during the troublesome, quarrelsome forty years of the first generation’s journey through the desert (Ethics of the Sages 1:12).
Not coincidentally, his yahrzeit is on Rosh Chodesh Av, which always falls around the time we read about his death in Parashat Masei. The first of Av ushers in the Nine Days leading to Tisha b’Av, commemorating the destruction of the Temples. The second was destroyed because of sinat chinam (baseless hatred). Aaron’s yahrzeit reminds us that the Temple will be rebuilt when, as Rabbi Kook noted, ahavat chinam (unconditional love) replaces sinat chinam.
Aaron’s “Shmeh” continues forever. Hopefully, we too will feel the “Shmeh” presence of those closest to us who have passed on – tapping us on the shoulder, showing us the way.
Candle lighting:
Matot-Masei parsha
July 14 at 7:57 p.m.