My father took his secrets to the grave but he left me a letter baring all

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER my father died, I found a tape recording telling his side of the story about his first wife and their two sons.

I didn’t even know I had half-brothers.

Dad passed away three weeks ago. He was 91 and lived a healthy life. My mother is in a care home. I’m their daughter, aged 60.

The tape was left with his papers and a letter to me, asking that I send it on to my half-brothers.

He maintained in the letter that his first wife had thrown him out and he had tried time and time again to reach out to “the boys”, as he calls them. But they hadn’t been allowed to communicate with Dad.

I’ve got their names and the town where they live. They would be older than me if they were still alive.

Should I try to find them to tell them Dad has died?

DEIDRE SAYS:  I feel so sad that he took this to his grave but was not able to have a relationship with all of his children.

You could do, but first come to terms with this news. You’re already struggling with a bereavement and dealing with your mother.

You could make tentative enquiries to see if your brothers are alive, without making yourself known.

My support pack Tracing Someone will help you.

Talking it through with a counsellor can give you clarity. You can find someone through BACP (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883 300)

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