Leaders flying in to talk green issues is from Harry & Meghan school of hypocrisy
NOW we all know that unless something urgent is done about climate change, our great-grandchildren will be gamely clinging on to little melting icebergs, like Jack and Rose in The Titanic.
So how reassuring, then, to see President Biden jetting in to Get Things Done.
Jetting in, that is, on his fuel-guzzling Air Force One and 28-car motorcade. (And not a hybrid Toyota Prius in sight.)
Good work, Joe!
Yesterday Grandpa J nipped to Windsor Castle to see King Charles and discuss the ongoing climate disaster.
To remind us all that if we don’t act now, there won’t be enough aloe vera in the world to stave off those third-degree sunburns.
Charles has long been ahead of his time when it comes to all matters green. He genuinely cares.
But not enough that he doesn’t average 20 private jet flights a year.
He has a carbon footprint bigger than Bigfoot.
Similarly, the President of the United States is passionate about preserving the environment.
So much so that he will travel 3,700 miles to have a cup of tea with the King.
But not so much that he will meet with oil and gas workers Stateside to secure his country’s energy independence.
He met Charles after a full pomp-and-ceremony greeting, having been driven (no aide in their right mind would trust poor, doddering Joe behind the wheel himself) in a 4×4 from Downing Street.
I mean, if he really was worried about climate change couldn’t he have tottered on to a Boris Bike and been pushed there? But optics do not matter when it comes to grandiose statements. It’s the Harry and Meghan school of hypocritical thought — do as we say, not as we do.
Two months ago, G7 leaders boarded more private jets — which are around 12 times more polluting than standard commercial planes — for a summit in Japan’s Hiroshima.
Led by Prime Minister Fumio Kishida, the official preamble claimed this year’s conference “offered a unique opportunity to discuss and find solutions to pressing issues such as climate change, energy security and nuclear disarmament”.
Here, over four official meals in two days, our eco-conscious, cost-of-living-aware leaders were treated to Wagyu beef, red sea urchin, Japanese rockfish, chicken ballotine and various sparkling wines. Ya know, the basics.
Red Arrows
The three-day jolly concluded with its members endorsing new fossil gas.
In an even greater green own goal, two years ago at the G7 summit in our very own Cornwall, then-PM Boris Johnson, another man hot on the climate agenda, thoughtfully organised a Red Arrows fly-by for our world leaders.
Awww, because nothing screams “saving the planet” quite like a never-ending plume of thick, multicoloured smoke coming from the arse-end of several jets.
And herein lies the problem with these worthy meetings.
It’s all a load of hypocritical nonsense.
We’ll all stop taking baths, and washing, and holidaying, but start wearing hemp, and living off crickets and locusts, when we’re shown how.
Until then, who’s for some Wagyu and a Boeing 747?
SERVE & BOLLY AT SW19
THIS weekend saw the most Wimbledony moment of Wimbledon.
Umpires have been forced to remonstrate with the crowd, those seemingly not too hampered by a cost of living crisis.
“Ladies and gentlemen, please, if you are opening a bottle of champagne don’t do it as the player is about to serve, thank you,” Australian umpire John Blom announced just after the start of a match on No3 Court.
Elsewhere, other bottles of £95 fizz – after all, how else to keep up this summery, middle-class bonhomie? – have been popping at inopportune moments.
Only in SW19.
A-listers with the bottle to promote their own booze
NOW, when Gwyneth Paltrow, Victoria Beckham and Kim Kardashian flog their wares, I’m in.
As women with something to say, they’re credible and, yes, I truly believe Gwynnie nails both her bone broth and “yoni” sex eggs, while VB uses her kohl eyeliner and Kim K wears her comfy-looking Spanx.
But then there are the stars quite clearly taking the p**s, while wanting us to get p***ed. And pay them for the pleasure.
Step forward Jennifer Lopez, Blake Lively, Drew Barrymore and post-rehab Cara Delevingne – largely teetotal opportunists hawking their own-line booze.
(And, tbh, I’m not convinced Kylie Minogue regularly gets hammered on her eponymous rosé.)
J-Lo, quite rightly, has been pulled up on a previous interview where she said her youthful visage was down to “not drinking, smoking or having caffeine”, before hawking a range of bottled cocktails.
Similarly, Ms Lively, who looks a nice lady, wrote on Instagram: “Drinking isn’t my thing,” while, cunningly, launching her Betty Booze drinks.
Guys, if you’re gonna sell the dream, the best boozed-up night of our lives, at least pretend to live it.
- *I draw the line at intermittent fasting, steaming my vagina or self-heating vibrators.
PRAISE WEARS THIN
SURE, we don’t necessarily want to see the royals roaming around in loin cloths, shaking hands at village halls in their hair rollers and Lidl nighties.
But also, at such an unprecedented time of national hardship, why should they be endlessly praised for occasionally recycling the odd £700 frock or Savile Row suit?
Last week, Kate Middleton apparently “cemented her status as an eco-conscious royal” as she re-wore a two-year-old Beulah dress – costing £695 – to head to an event in West London.
She first wore the pink crepey thing to the Wimbledon finals in 2021. By my GCSE maths, that’s £347.50 per wear. Bargain.
BEEB’S LEARNT NOWT
WE have learnt a lot about the BBC over these past few days.
If only the BBC could say the same thing.
Just weeks after the ITV/Phillip Schofield affair, it has, inexplicably, chosen on-air talent over caution, ignoring internal mutterings and rumours. And a formal complaint.
Instead, the British Bumbling Corporation, who flew a helicopter over (innocent) Cliff Richard’s house and took Gary Lineker off air for defending migrants, has once again shown supreme arrogance during its handling of this latest scandal.
By keeping its seedy, under-fire star on air, weeks after receiving at least one serious complaint – one that, quite clearly, wasn’t from some weirdo nutcase or superfan-turned-sour – the organisation has shown utter disregard for the licence-fee payer.
And, from here, things are only likely to get worse for the Beeb.
Watch this space.
HOLEY SMOKE
JUST when you thought the trans debate couldn’t get any more borderline-ludicrous, here we go.
A cervical cancer charity stands accused of dehumanising women after advising medics to refer to the vagina as a “bonus hole” (!!!) to avoid upsetting transgender men.
Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust features a glossary on its website detailing “the correct language” for dealing with women who identify as men.
As well as “bonus hole”, it also suggests the term “front hole” as an alternative.
Wait, what? Front hole, bonus hole? Are we seven years old? What is this infantile madness?