Miss Manners: I drove three days, then she said there was no room for me
DEAR MISS MANNERS: An old college friend contacted me because her mother was in a nursing home, in poor health. I had been close to her mother — to the whole family, in fact — at one time, although I had not heard from her in about 20 years. (There was no rift, just busy lives in different parts of the country.)
I accepted the invitation to come visit her ailing mother and to stay in my friend’s home. They live in a city about 1,200 miles away. I drove out there (my preference), which took three days and two overnight stops.
On the evening I arrived, my friend told me that her adult son had come for a surprise visit. He was occupying the guest room; I would have to stay elsewhere.
There was a bit of bother — finding a place to stay at the last minute in an unfamiliar area — and a bit of expense, but it all proved manageable. But I have sometimes wondered: What would be the correct thing for a hostess to do in such circumstances?
GENTLE READER: Put the son on the sofa.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have gone to several restaurants that have valet parking.
When walking into the restaurant, there is a sign saying that there is an $8 service charge for the parking. Do we just pay the service charge, or do we give a tip in addition to the charge?
GENTLE READER: Restaurateurs are trying to change the commonsense meaning of “service charge.”
To Miss Manners, and in standard usage, it means that the price of service is already on the bill. But now, it is not included in the cost of food — presumably because the owners don’t want to scare you by seeming to raise prices, and figure that you won’t notice if it is listed separately.
Therefore, if you feel sorrier for the waitstaff or the valet parkers than the owners do, you should still tip. Miss Manners does.
That is not to say that she lacks sympathy for the trials of the restaurant business. If food costs the restaurants more, it is only right that they charge more. But she could do without that little subterfuge.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please advise me on how to quickly and politely end a call with a customer service agent after the issue I’m calling about has been resolved?
The agents often continue to ask if they have addressed all my needs and if there is anything else they can do for me. This feels like a script that they are required to read.
I would like to just get off the phone. Sometimes I will just say, “Thank you, you’ve been helpful” and then hang up, but that doesn’t quite feel right. What do you think?
GENTLE READER: That of course it is a script, not an attempt by the agents to prolong the pleasure of conversing with you. And that it is not much of a burden to reply, “Thank you, goodbye.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.