Nic Cage Keeps Killing Everybody (Everybody!) In The ‘Retirement Plan’ Trailer

Let’s not pretend that you’re reading this right now. And why should you? The trailer sells itself. You’ve already watched it five times and are diving back in for more.

With Nic Cage looking like Jimmy Buffet’s corpse and a stellar cast of That Guys, The Retirement Plan only has enough plot to justify Cage’s character beating the hell out of as many henchmen as possible. Seems like some bad dudes want to do bad stuff to a woman (Ashley Greene Khoury), so her daughter (Thalia Campbell) goes to get grandpa, and that grandpa is Nic Cage, and he slumps out of the rum bottle long enough to jab it into some throats.

Team Crime also features Jackie Earle Haley as the big boss, and Ron Perlman as his right-hand man, and Team Allies From The Past features Ernie Hudson seeming incredulous that a child wouldn’t know that her father was a trained killer.

It looks like big dumb fun, but it’s also a sincere tragedy. It’s the tale of a man who has lived through loads of trauma and come out the other end to enjoy his twilight years only to be disturbed from his beachside idyll by career criminals. The man has put in his time. Can’t we just let him suntan in peace?

The Retirement Plan will hit select theaters soon.