My family switched from a nanny to an au pair, and it was the best decision we've made
Jane Ridley
- I was nervous about hiring an au pair. I worried it would feel like raising another child.
- My choice wasn't so hard to make because of the savings in childcare and our move to a bigger home.
- Our Chilean au pair became part of the family, and we've formed a lasting bond.
When our au pair, Bernardita, told me that she'd decided to extend her stay with us for a second year, I was taken aback.
Her temporary visa allowed her to renew her contract with the au-pair agency for a further 12 months, but I'd assumed she'd want to go home to her native Chile. Anything to get away from our chaotic household, I'd thought.
"Maybe our family isn't as dysfunctional as I thought," I said to myself when she gave the good news. Bernardita was a gem, and I couldn't bear to think about life without her.
I'd considered the idea of an au pair for several years before finally making the switch from a full-time nanny. Our babysitter's weekly salary took up at least half of my wages. I knew we could save thousands of dollars in childcare if we hired an au pair.
My neighbor, who works for an au-pair agency, said hiring an au pair would change my life
It would have been a no-brainer if our house had been large enough to accommodate a year-round, live-in caregiver. According to the rules issued by the au-pair agency, au pairs must have separate bedrooms. Everyone needs their privacy, especially after you've taken a huge risk by leaving your country to live with a bunch of unknowns.
But with a three-bedroom house and two warring kids who'd rather die than share a room, the only solution would have been for my husband and I to sleep in the basement. No, thanks.
Jane Ridley
A friendly — and very persuasive — neighbor happened to work for a leading au-pair agency.
"You should move to a bigger place," she said, adding: "If you get an au pair, it'll change your life."
We talked about the pros and cons. The biggest pro, of course, was the cheaper rate for childcare. You pay around $9,000 up front to the agency and a weekly stipend to the au pair of $215 for a maximum of 45 hours of work a week — though, like us, you can choose to pay more, especially if you live in a pricey area such as New York. Families also pay a $500 contribution toward classes they're required to take as part of the program.
Other pros, my friend said, included introducing your kids to a new language (most au pairs come from non-English-speaking countries) and exposing them to different cultures.
Among the cons, she said, was getting used to having a stranger in your home 24/7. As for me, my biggest concern was drama. I was nervous that if I hired an au pair who was immature, I'd wind up having an extra child to worry about. Then again, I thought the relationship between parents and regular childcare providers could sometimes be rocky.
Then, in March 2020, we moved to a larger house because we felt we'd outgrown our starter home. This time, it had a separate bedroom with its own bathroom. The room was on a different level from our kitchen, living room, and the other bedrooms. A new au pair would have a lot of privacy and space.
Unlike some families, we didn't insist on a curfew on 'school nights' for our au pair
The interview process — conducted via Zoom — was quite fun. I had the agency's suggested list of questions in front of me, but they felt a bit perfunctory. I'd divert from the theme now and again, asking about their favorite movie or band as opposed to their philosophy on discipline.
Most of the interviews were friendly and chatty. One 19-year-old girl asked, "When's the curfew?" within the first three minutes. She didn't make it to the second round. But the moment I met with Bernardita, I knew she was "the one." She didn't take herself too seriously and had an infectious laugh. She had worked as an assistant at a school and wanted to be a psychologist. She seemed genuinely interested in the US and didn't immediately ask about a curfew. We'd never think of imposing such a thing.
Jane Ridley
I was the first "host parent" with whom she'd interviewed. I was terrified she'd choose another family. But 10 days later, she agreed to a match following a second interview with my husband and kids. She later told me that she'd been drawn to us because we looked like the "all-American family" in the profile picture on our application. I didn't tell her that we'd edited a different head onto my son because he kept pulling faces and refused to smile.
Our au pair enjoyed spending traditional American holidays with us, such as Halloween and Thanksgiving
Bernardita became part of our family from the day she arrived. She developed a special bond with my tween, especially during COVID-19 lockdowns, when she helped with his remote learning. We took her on our vacation to Maine. She drove my husband's ancient truck (luckily, she had driven a stick in Chile) and enjoyed celebrating holidays with us, such as Thanksgiving and Halloween. We grew to love her during the two years she was here. She said the feeling was mutual.
Sadly, Bernardita returned to Chile shortly before her visa expired at the end of her second year. It was a huge loss. But it was sweetened by the fact that our replacement au pair was her brother, Benjamin. He had agreed to take over the job.
"Maybe our family isn't as dysfunctional as I thought," I said to myself for a second time.