Harriette Cole: I’m just a kid, and my parents left this heavy decision to me
DEAR HARRIETTE: I know you usually talk to adults, but I need help.
My parents are in the middle of getting a divorce, and it has been tough on the whole family, but it’s for the best because their relationship hasn’t been working for many years.
I am 13 years old, and they told me that I need to pick who I want to live with for the majority of the year. They think it’s best that I stay in one spot for school, and it can get exhausting to have to switch houses every week.
I agree with this, but I feel that when I choose one of my parents to live with, the other will feel offended or like I’m not on their side in the divorce. They have each been telling me that they won’t be mad at me if I don’t choose them, but I am still hesitant.
The weight of the choice feels very heavy on me, and my parents have been pressuring me to decide soon. How do I make this choice without rocking the boat and creating more division in my family?
Adult Decisions
DEAR ADULT DECISIONS: Divorce is hard on every family member, and there are no easy ways of figuring it out.
While this is an adult decision, it was thoughtful of your parents to ask your opinion rather than force you to do something. You must believe that they are telling you the truth.
Think about where you will be most comfortable and able to do your schoolwork, enjoy your friends and feel safe at home. Go for that option with the caveat that you can change if and when you want to stay with your other parent for longer stretches.
You aren’t leaving either of them behind, even though you will be living in different places.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a junior in college, pursuing immigration law. I’m passionate about this subject because I immigrated from Senegal when I was younger. However, I am struggling to get through school and stay focused on my classes. I even failed one of my classes this spring because it was very difficult and I wasn’t able to keep up.
This makes me nervous about pursuing law school because it will be 10 times harder than undergraduate classes.
I am thinking of taking a gap year and doing a program like Teach for America or the Peace Corps in order to reset my mind between my undergraduate degree and law school.
After taking a year off, however, I don’t know if I will ever go to law school, leaving me with a lot of useless credits. I am so far down the law track for school that switching my major would set me back and probably cause me to have to extend my time at the university.
What do you suggest I do in order to set up my future for success?
About To Give Up
DEAR ABOUT TO GIVE UP: Take a breath and get some help.
Speak to your university career adviser about your situation, and work together to design a path toward success. Get tutoring for the classes that you find difficult, and rebalance your class load so that it can be easier to handle.
You can expect the classes to stay difficult, but if you come up with a strategy for managing your time as you shore up your capabilities, you should be able to do it. Just make sure you get the help you need.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.