Miss Manners: In a moment of forgetfulness, I made a mortifying offer to a friend
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two dogs I adore. All of my friends know this, and I often receive gifts that are dog-oriented.
A friend gave me a product for my dogs that I don’t use. It was still very thoughtful, and I thanked her profusely. I then set the gift aside and planned to give it to another friend on a later occasion.
Several months passed, and the same friend who had given me the gift was at my home. I noticed her looking at the unused item and, in a moment of forgetfulness, I asked her if it was something she would like, as I had no use for it.
I almost immediately realized my mistake, but not before the damage was done. She was gracious — she said, “Oh, it’s not something you will use?” and then quietly accepted it.
I am mortified. I never would have tried to return a gift, and I don’t know how to fix this faux pas. My friend was too kind to say anything, but I could sense that I hurt her feelings.
Should I have said something in the moment, and if so, what? Is there anything I can do now to make up for my poor behavior? This has been weighing on me, and I feel terrible.
GENTLE READER: Human beings make mistakes, which is why we — or in this case, you — need to apologize, profusely and with appropriately sincere body language.
Miss Manners understands your dog may be able to show you the correct stance — although she realizes tucking in your tail will be anatomically impossible, and she recommends against exposing your belly.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at an elementary school where there are only two bathrooms designated for staff use. Often, as I am exiting the restroom, I will encounter a co-worker standing outside the door with their arms crossed and a very irritated look on their face.
It is apparent that they are very annoyed that they had to wait for me to come out of the restroom.
It is not as if I am in there dawdling or having a conversation on my cellphone. What is the proper response to these rude and impatient co-workers?
GENTLE READER: Stop moving — thereby leaving yourself positioned between your co-worker and the bathroom door — and, with a look of concern and contrition, ask if everything is OK.
In our increasingly virtual world, people sometimes forget that in the real one, others can see them when they huff or roll their eyes. This will serve as a gentle reminder — one that will be underlined, for your co-worker, by the growing realization that the more time spent discussing and listening to your apology, the greater their discomfort.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When waiting in the doctor’s office treatment room, fully clothed, should I stand to greet the doctor? Does it matter if they are male or female?
I am a 60-something man from the South who still says “ma’am” and “sir.”
GENTLE READER: Dressed or undressed, this is not a social occasion. You may greet the doctor without getting up.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.