Use My New Slang in Meetings and Score Accordingly

“You can still circle back and touch base. But the vernacular of work life for many has changed just as much as their work has.” — The New York Times

“Goat teats and summer coats”

I propose we start using this phrase to mean really drilling down and getting granular. Example: “We’ve got the thirty-thousand-foot view, but let’s get down to goat teats and summer coats.”

Fifty points each for every mention.

“Prawn nibbler”

In order to score full point value here, the term must be used far from any lunch or dietary context. It’s up to you how you masterfully weave it into the tapestry of the meeting, but it cannot be as obvious as talking about your favorite seafood restaurant or describing seals being fed at a zoo. You must use it boldly in a context that will boggle anyone not playing the round (i.e., everyone else on the call or in the meeting). Example of a star player move: “Not trying to be a prawn nibbler here, but I can’t wait to get this project moving forward, this is going to be a fun one.”

Fifty points for initial mention; twenty for each additional mention.

“Coned up”

Welcome to a world where we’ve moved on from silos and buckets. You’re the only person at work reminding the team that the project is good but really needs to be “coned up.”

Twenty-five points for each mention, and a bonus of one hundred points if your repeated mention leads to someone asking for an explanation or the definition of the phrase.

“Stinky bread”

I don’t know. Who could possibly know? One thing is certain, though: you’ve mentioned stinky bread twice in this meeting in any context you can invent.

One hundred points each and any mention.

The story of Peepo and Pomo

This one has to be drawn out carefully as if you’re relaying a fable as old as time that carries a weighty life lesson; a real tortoise and hare situation. Or, better yet, like that story about the mouse who fell into the bucket of cream and struggled but never stopped trying to escape, and wound up whipping the cream into stiff peaks that eventually provided a way out. So, what’s the fable of Peepo and Pomo? That’s up to you, as it is entirely of your own devising. But you MUST include the following inventory in your parable: a tiny wig, greed, one sack of fruits, fire, and the narrative device of constantly mentioning the names “Peepo” and “Pomo” as the fable unfolds.

One hundred points for initial telling; twenty-five points for each additional callback.

The kidney

You will not be the person on the call or meeting mentioning the heart of the idea or the client’s Achilles heel. You will, however, be earning forty points upon each mention of the kidney of either.

A note on gameplay

Please be honest in your scoring. Fair play includes recording the meeting in order to be sure you’re scoring accurately, as sometimes, at the second mention of stinky bread or Peepo and Pomo among a group of clients or colleagues, one tends to enter a sort of mild blackout or dissociative state. Also, teaming up with a coworker to rack up bigger numbers or facing off against each other to see who can score higher is acceptable. But no more than two per team or duel; otherwise, the whole thing becomes a camp joke instead of a stealth poker-faced challenge. Feel free to send us audio or video of gameplay simply to boast a little or if you need a referee to make a final call on scoring or gameplay.