How do I get out of going to my horrible mother-in-law’s funeral?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY vicious mother-in-law has died and I can’t face going to her funeral.

But I don’t want to upset my daughter or make her go to her gran’s funeral alone. 

I’m 50 and was married for 20 years, until my husband died of a heart attack three years ago. We had one daughter, who is now 24.

I never got on with my husband’s 78-year-old mum.

She was critical of everything I did, didn’t try to get to know me and, when my husband died, she didn’t even  send a sympathy card.

In fact, she was so self-centred that after my husband’s funeral, she demanded that I dig him up and rebury him somewhere more convenient for her to visit. 

Since then, we’ve had no contact, and it’s been a blessed relief.

Now she has died and, while I’m not in the least bit sad, I realise it’s upsetting for my daughter.

But the idea of having to go to this awful woman’s funeral and hear people eulogising about how wonderful she was is making me really anxious. 

While I have no desire to dance on her grave or bad-mouth her, I don’t want to pretend I liked her or that I’ll miss her.

I have only negative memories  of her. My daughter knows how I feel and says that it’s up to me if I go or not. 

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Do what feels right for you. There’s no right or wrong choice here. 

If you don’t feel comfortable going to the funeral, and your daughter understands, then perhaps it’s best not to go.

Anyone who loves and knows you will not judge you for missing her funeral. 

If worrying about this is keeping you up at night, if might help you to read my support pack Dealing With Anxiety.