I was blinded by lust for a younger woman but now I’ve been played for a fool
DEAR DEIDRE: EVERYBODY warned me that I was blinded by lust and told me not to marry a much younger woman – but I didn’t listen.
Now I’ve realised that she has been playing me for a silly old fool for the whole of our marriage.
I’m 52 and she is 30. We’ve been married for eight years.
When we met online, almost ten years ago, I couldn’t believe someone so gorgeous could be interested in me.
She looked like a model, while I’m just a normal, bald bloke.
She said she loved older men because they know how to treat a woman right.
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After we had chatted for a while, I paid for her to visit from her home country of South Korea and we had the most amazing few weeks — most of which were spent in bed.
My friends warned me she was only interested in my money.
I was insulted and told them they must just be jealous. A year later, we got married.
Things were wonderful for the first year, and I was so happy. But then she started to go away a lot.
She said she needed to visit her parents or deal with business — I helped her set up her own beauty company — and it was better if I didn’t come.
She was rarely in the mood for sex, but always told me how much she loved me.
It turns out she has been lying to me. She has been seeing another English guy, on and off, for years. Apparently he is married and won’t leave his wife.
She has begged me for forgiveness and said I’m the one she wants to be with. But I’m finding it hard to trust her again.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: People of any age can cheat, so the fact she is younger isn’t really the issue.
What matters is whether you can rebuild the trust in your relationship.
It sounds like you now feel your friends were right, and she was playing you all along. But that might not be the case.
If you love her, you need to talk to her and ask her to be honest with you.
You will soon know if she wants to put in the effort required to repair your marriage – and don’t accept anything less than 100 per cent.
Relationship counselling would be very helpful. You can find support through Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
My support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over It? should also help.