The psychology of hooking up with 'off-limits' people — and why Ariana Grande is not the main villain

• A viral video pointed out that Ariana Grande has a pattern of allegedly breaking up relationships.
• A psychologist told Insider that some people can get into a pattern of falling for "off-limits" people.
• She also noted that the "other woman" is often judged more harshly than the man who cheated.

Recently, news broke that Ariana Grande is supposedly dating "Wicked" co-star Ethan Slater after separating from her husband, Dalton Gomez, earlier this year. 

Shortly after, a viral video called out Grande for being involved in multiple breakups as the "other woman" — a pattern supposedly seen in her relationships with Mac Miller, Big Sean, Pete Davidson, Gomez, and now Slater, who was married for a decade before his alleged relationship with Grande. 

The video sparked discussion online about Grande's behavior; after all, the singer did write a song titled, "break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored."

According to Isabelle Morley, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, it's not unusual for people to be attracted to other people who are already in monogamous relationships — and it can become a pattern. 

Morley also said that, like in Grande's case, the "other woman" is often judged much more harshly than the man who cheated on his partner.

"Off-limits" people can seem hotter for a few reasons

So why do some people seem to always fall for folks who are already partnered? Morley said it can be "incredibly attractive to see someone being a great partner, being a good parent, and to know that they have those qualities."

For his anniversary with his then-wife, Slater posted a sweet tribute on Instagram last November — one that Grande allegedly liked.

This can also make the rush of them choosing you over their partner especially profound, Morley said, even if (ironically) it makes them a bad partner for cheating.

There's also safety in liking people who are in relationships

While crushing on someone in a relationship can seem inherently dramatic, Morley explained that some people do it because it prevents them from really committing to someone.

If you fantasize about someone who's in a relationship and they don't end up leaving their partner, it can stay a safe crush. "It provides this sort of imaginary barrier that lets you be a little freer with that person," Morley said, since the fantasy of them cheating with you can just remain a fantasy.

On the other hand, if they do cheat with you, you might feel safe knowing that this new relationship is likely not going to work out because of its messy start.

"It's not setting yourself up for success," Morley said. "Those relationships don't tend to flourish because there are a lot of complicated feelings that can doom them in many ways."

Women are usually painted as the villain 

Even though it takes two to tango in each of these situations, as some people online pointed out, women like Grande can receive more public hate even if they're not the ones who cheated on their partners.

"People especially get mad at women because there's this sense of women being a pact," Morley said.

There can be an expectation that men will always cheat and that it's on women to help prevent that, Morley said, "so when a woman breaks that by being the person to cheat with a married man, it seems like it's breaking this bigger agreement that we all unknowingly have."

She also noted that this perspective takes away men's autonomy to not cheat or be held accountable for their choices.

Grande's relationship with Slater is still new and under a lot of speculation, but Twitter user Ashley Ray jokingly brought up a great point: "she said break up with your girlfriend, im bored so that's on the men if they aren't doing step 1."