Slippery when wet

By Paul Lambis

The following is a true story. I went to Ayia Napa over the weekend, but since it was only for one night, I wasn’t searching for anything fancy. A clean, basic hotel with a nice bed and a good breakfast would suffice.

As I searched for a low-cost hotel during the peak season when Ayia Napa is at full capacity, I came across a modern-looking hotel on the outskirts of the resort town that had received an overwhelming number of positive reviews.

As someone who is constantly looking for reassurance, I clicked over to the hotel’s website. Needless to say, everything the online travel site promised was reaffirmed by the user-friendly site, which also promised to create a “memorable experience.”

Memorable, indeed. Upon arrival, the parking facilities were mismanaged to say the least. Needless to say, the disabled parking was taken by someone who later resurfaced as a healthy man who had been miraculously cured and who turned out to be the owner of the hotel who doubled as the receptionist, porter and chef.

At first glance, the accommodation appeared to be unexpectedly roomy and tidy, although the half-eaten pack of Oreo biscuits stashed away in one of the drawers did not appear to be a complimentary snack.

Under normal conditions I would have visited the reception desk to complain, but I didn’t want to come off as a Karen in the 45C heat, demanding another room when I knew the hotel was completely booked.

I opted to ignore it because it was only one night. And, like most people who return from the swimming pool and a good two-hour session basking in the sun, I went back to my room in quest of the room service menu, expecting to satisfy my hunger.

The owner-receptionist-porter-chef apologised for not posting the menu on his website or having a QR code that would direct us to an easily accessible online menu, so my wife went downstairs to get a copy of the menu, which surprisingly had everything on it from ‘seasar’ salad and spaghetti ‘bolonays’ to ‘very taysty’ souvla and cheeseburger without the cheese – we realised this after the food had been delivered to the room.

When it comes to comfort, the hotel went above and beyond to deliver on its promise of providing a memorable, home-away-from-home experience. The bed’s rough and uneven surface did not provide the support required for a decent night’s sleep. I spent the majority of the night counting sheep – in this case, the goats on a nearby property – until I drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

I awoke quite early, eager to go downstairs for a full Cypriot breakfast, and after being locked in an elevator for five minutes, I entered the breakfast eating area, which was assured to be open at 7am.

With no one in sight, other than a rude and unpleasant woman who shouted in a foreign accent that the kitchen was not ready to welcome any guests, I decided to leave the hotel and throw a large black stone behind me, an act popular in Greek culture signifying that I will never return.

Frustrated, irritated, sleep-deprived, hungry, and disappointed that a hotel with this level of service is still operating in Cyprus, my dramatic exit included a loud complaint to the morning receptionist, who had no idea what was going on other than my near attempt at water skating on their freshly mopped floors.

“Be careful, it’s slippery when wet,” she warned as a few staff members attempted to lift me off the ground. “You might injure yourself.”

I was seated at one of Ayia Napa’s trendy coffee shops a few minutes later, eating a double cheese toasted sandwich while sipping a delicious iced latte and thinking over my recent hotel experience. Perhaps I have high expectations, but wouldn’t service and cleanliness be expected even from the island’s inexpensive hotels?

We rely on tourism, so why not put our best foot forward and make a memorable impression? Wouldn’t that encourage visitors to return? My stay at this hotel gave me almost no confidence in how certain budget hotels respect their guests and the service they provide to visitors from lower income groups. More importantly, we all know that how a hotel and its management handle certain concerns may make or break the situation, unless it’s simply another one of those things that drifts along the wet surface and is very rarely addressed.