Taste-Off: The dreamiest chocolate “milk” on the market — and the yuckiest

Cold, refreshing and sweet, a gulp of chocolate milk sparks childhood memories of spooning chocolate powder into tall glasses overflowing with milk — and turning the kitchen into a sticky mess.

Today, drinkable chocolate continues to appeal to kids and grownups alike, and luckily, comes in tidier packages. Store shelves are stacked with shelf-stable, lunchbox-friendly liquid chocolate of every ilk. Some are made with cow’s milk; others are made with soy, nuts, peas, whey, flax and oats.

Sadly, what’s inside a lot of these little boxes and bottles is often watery, insipid and nothing like the chocolate milk that makes children smile. The worst are nearly taste-free, save for a massive dose of sugar.

The best chocolate drinks taste like liquid dessert. They are smooth and creamy, with bold chocolate flavor, and a satisfying dash of sugar. And great chocolate “milk” can be made from a range of base ingredients — cow’s milk is entirely optional.

Among the things to know about chocolate “milk” is that they all have additives, such as stabilizers, and  added sugar. They’re also pricey, ranging from $1 to $2 for an 8-ounce box. On the upside, shelf-stable lunchbox-sized milk delivers significant amounts of protein, calcium and vitamins, as well as flavor.

Here are details on the rich chocolate sips that will disappear in a few gulps, and the funky, failed efforts that are likely to be tossed in the trash. Nutrition info refers to 8 ounces, the most popular size.

Not Milk Chocolate

This pea protein milk is entirely delicious. It’s creamy and has a dreamy rich chocolate note. Buy this one in bulk. 130 calories, 5 g fat, 180 mg sodium, 14 g sugar, 4 g protein. $6.29 for four 8-ounce boxes at Whole Foods. (4 stars)

Ripple Chocolate Plant-based Milk 

Fans of protein shakes will love this silky, extra creamy drink, which is nearly as thick as a milkshake and packs a huge punch of dark chocolate. 140 calories, 4.5 g fat, 105 mg sodium, 15 g sugar, 1 g fiber, 8 g protein. $8.39 for four 8-ounce boxes at Whole Foods. (4 stars)

Almond Breeze Chocolate 

Generous chocolate stirred up with nutty almond milk makes for a clean, thirst-quenching gulp. 100 calories, 2.5 g fat, 150 mg sodium, 18 g sugar, 1 g fiber, 1 g protein. $6.69 for four 8-ounce boxes. (3 stars)

Silk Chocolate Soymilk

While this dark chocolate looks like deep, rich chocolate, it doesn’t quite deliver. It’s pleasant, but more sweet than chocolatey. 170 calories, 4.5 g fat, 90 mg sodium, 21 g sugar, 3 g fiber, 8 g protein. $8.99 for six 8-ounce boxes at Raley’s. (2½ stars)

Nestle Nesquik

This extra-sweet, milky drink has minimal chocolate, but it tastes fresh and has a charming malty note. 140 calories, 2.5 g fat, 135 mg sodium, 22 g sugar, 1 g fiber, 8 g protein. $24.58 for 15 8-ounce bottles at Walmart online. (2 stars)

Horizon Organic Lowfat Chocolate Milk

If milk with a mere hint of chocolate is what you want, this is it. It’s not even close to real chocolate milk, but it’s drinkable. 150 calories, 2.5 g fat, 180 mg sodium, 22 g sugar, no fiber, 8 g protein. $9.49 for six 8-ounce boxes at Whole Foods. (1½ stars)

O Organics Low Fat Chocolate Milk

Flat, nearly flavor-free milk with a mere trace of chocolate makes this a poor choice. 130 calories, 2.5 g fat, 170 mg sodium, 20 g sugar, 1 g fiber, 8 g protein. $1.49 for an 8-ounce bottle at Safeway. (1½ stars)

Hershey’s a2 2% Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk

Sadly, this lactose-free milk — a great option for those who can’t digest milk — is downright strange. It has a big creamy note but a strange, butterlike aftertaste. 150 calories, 5 g fat, 220 mg sodium, 21 g sugar, no fiber, 8 g protein. $11.98 for 12 8-ounce boxes at Walmart. (1 star)

Yoohoo Chocolate Drink

No whey! This whey-based drink looks like water and tastes like corn syrup. It may be a kid favorite, but it’s a chocolate bust. 107 calories, 1 g fat, 166 mg sodium, 24 g sugar, no fiber, 1 g protein. $6.99 for 10 6.5-ounce boxes at Raley’s. (½ a star)

Good Karma Chocolate Plantmilk

Yikes! This watery drink not only lacks chocolate, it feels like chalk in the mouth. The idea of making a drink from pea protein, oats and flax oil is commendable, but this is a pricey mouthful to avoid. 119 calories, 5 g fat, 113 mg sodium, 11 g sugar, 1 g fiber, 5 g protein. $7.99 for six 6.75-ounce boxes at Raley’s. (No stars)

Reviews are based on product samples purchased by this newspaper or provided by manufacturers. Contact Jolene Thym at timespickyeater@gmail.com. Read more Taste-off columns at www.mercurynews.com/tag/taste-off.