No One Ever Talks About How Men Struggle After Their Baby is Killed in an Abortion
Women and children are almost exclusively the focus of advocates on both sides of the abortion issue.
But abortions affect men, too, and many suffer silently for decades because of their children’s unnecessary deaths.
“Men who have been affected by abortion are a neglected voice in the abortion debate,” Sara Scarlett Willson wrote this week at Religion Unplugged.
Her column highlighted a 2022 study by the pro-life organization Support After Abortion that found most men suffer negative effects as a result of their unborn child being aborted.
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“Everything changed. Having to live life with this huge regret! I ask for forgiveness every day of my unborn baby. My heart will forever be broken for the decision I made that day,” one man told researchers.
Other fathers described feeling “emptiness,” suffering “panic attacks” and struggling with “anger issues” after their unborn babies were aborted. A few expressed relief, with one commenting that “she did me a favor,” but most reported “adverse” issues, according to the research.
Greg Mayo, author of a white paper for Support After Abortion about the study, said he spent decades trying to deal with the pain of losing two children to abortion.
In 1988, “as a senior in high school, I found out that my girlfriend was pregnant,” Mayo wrote in a recent opinion piece at LifeNews. “I wasn’t sure what to do, but her mother was — and so I lost my first child to abortion. Four years later, I lost my second, this time after begging my ex-girlfriend to keep the baby so I could raise him or her. She told me it wasn’t a baby, said it wasn’t my choice and got the abortion.”
Mayo said many fathers feel responsible for their unborn babies and suffer when their partners get abortions, even if they support legalized abortion or believe it should be a woman’s decision.
The Support After Abortion study confirmed this, with 71 percent of men saying they suffered “adverse” issues after their unborn baby was aborted. The study included pro-life and pro-choice men.
The research also found a need for post-abortion support services for men. According to the study, 82 percent of men said they did not know where to find help, but more than half (51 percent) searched for it. Another 32 percent said they did not seek help but would have benefited from talking to someone.
Other research and testimonies confirm the need as well. In a recent “Psychology Today” article, Dr. Mary C. Lamia said men often suffer silently from “post-abortion grief” because of “contradictory emotions” like relief and regret. She cited several studies that found men “experience intense grief over the loss of a child and fatherhood, even after many years post-abortion.”
A few fathers have shared publicly about their regret, including Mayo. Recently, another young father posted a video on the social media site TikTok to share his regret at having once wanted to abort his daughter.
“God please forgive me: see the beautiful soul I wanted to abort,” the man said, showing images of him and his baby girl.
Three other fathers described their abortion experiences to the Silent No More Awareness Campaign:
“I realized how small of a man I was cause if I had gone with her that day, I probably would have realized what had happened, I would have seen how upset how broken she was, and taken her by the hand and said “let’s get out of this place.” -Steve
“I didn’t defend the life of my own daughter based on misinformation, selfishness, fear, and shame. I let her die to an abortionist knife and I died the same day.” – Scott
“I wonder what my son or daughter would look like today if I would have stood up and be a man and fight for the life of my child.” – Miguel
Within the pro-life movement are a number of programs to help post-abortive fathers, including Support After Abortion, Rachel’s Vineyard and the Silent No More Awareness Campaign. These offer education, research, counseling and other services to help grieving fathers. Some Catholic and Protestant churches and pregnancy resource centers also offer programs for men.
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