Harriette Cole: My son is emulating a misogynist YouTuber, and it has upset our household
DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has moved back into my home after getting a divorce from his wife of one year. He is 25 years old, and I feel his marriage failed due to his misogynistic comments. Over the past couple of years, he started watching a YouTuber who has been giving him these ideas.
If I’m honest, I also feel as if his actions are a result of my poor parenting. I am his mother, and I raised him to become the man he is today.
Since moving in, he has been making my two daughters’ lives much more difficult, and they will often get into arguments with him because he constantly talks down to them. As a mother, this breaks my heart, but it’s difficult to intervene and put my foot down because he is a grown man.
My daughters tell me that I should kick him out of the house because he shouldn’t be here, but I’m scared to do so because his finances are really tight right now due to his divorce and inflation. How do you suggest I navigate this situation?
Wayward Son
DEAR WAYWARD SON: You may not be ready to put your son out of your house, but surely you can lay down the law.
Establish ground rules for how you expect him to behave while he is there. That includes speaking respectfully to his sisters.
Give him examples of how he has been talking to them and how hurtful his words have been. Go a step further and have a serious talk with him about what happened in his marriage, how you believe the YouTuber has negatively influenced him and even how you may have steered him wrong.
Now is the time for him to take control of his life. Tell him he can stay with you for a while if he is willing to treat everyone respectfully. Otherwise, he has to go.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m usually the type of person who loves connecting my different friend groups, but I’ve run into a problem with a certain friend. Whenever I introduce her to someone, she seems to latch onto them and reach out to them more often than I’d like.
It’s becoming an issue, and I’m regretting introducing her to certain people. She doesn’t see anything wrong with it, but it’s making me uncomfortable.
The other day she actually reached out to my boyfriend and arranged to hang out with him while I was out of town. I’m sure it was innocent, but it was definitely awkward. How do I tell her how uncomfortable this makes me?
Back Off
DEAR BACK OFF: Be prepared with examples of your friend’s behavior so that you can clearly illustrate your concerns. Ask her to stop sidling up to your friends so intensely.
You can also learn from the past. Stop introducing her to everyone. Her behavior is likely unconscious, which means she may not know how to control herself.
It is up to you to protect your relationships. You may want to tell your friends it’s OK to stop interacting with her if she makes them uncomfortable.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.