Even though my mum died less than two years ago, my dad has a new woman
DEAR DEIDRE: LESS than two years after my mum died, my dad has fallen in love with another woman.
I’m happy for him but I feel like it’s too soon, and it’s making my grief worse.
I’m a 30-year-old woman and Mum was only 56 when she died. Dad is 58, and his new partner is 47.
As an only child, I was always very close to my mum and was heartbroken when I found out she had terminal melanoma four years ago.
Watching her suffer so much almost broke me, but I had to be strong for her.
Dad didn’t cope well at all and so I had to hold him up too.
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After Mum died, I fell apart. It felt so unfair that she was so young and would never see me get married or meet future grandchildren.
Dad just threw himself into work. He said if he wasn’t busy, he couldn’t have gone on.
About nine months ago, he met a younger woman at work. He played it down at first, but it soon got serious.
Last month, he moved her into my family home. That really stung.
She seems nice and caring and I’m glad he’s got someone to look after him. But now I can’t talk to him about Mum any more. He seems to think the time for grieving is over.
He can’t understand why I’m struggling with his new relationship.
He even says Mum would want him to be happy.
Please help. I feel so alone.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Both you and your dad suffered a devastating loss.
But just as your relationship with your mum was different from his, so your grief – and the way you deal with it – are different.
Although he has a new partner, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love and think about your mum.
Do keep talking to your dad about her. Tell him you like his new partner but feel alone in your grief.
Perhaps you could agree to do something special together to mark your mum’s death every year.
It would help you to read my support pack, Coping With Bereavement, which has lots of information and links to resources, such as grief counselling.
Contact Cruse Bereavement (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677) for help.