We already name hurricanes, so let's name heat waves ... after oil companies

It’s been pretty hot lately. Scientists say July was the hottest month on record—likely by a “significant margin”—and may have been the most brutally steamy stretch in 120,000 years. And the reason is almost certainly—surprise, surprise!—human-caused climate change.

It’s been so hot, Madame Tussauds’ wax Donald Trump statue has melted to the point where it actually looks like him. It’s been so hot, the Jiffy Pop portion of Louie Gohmert’s brain has finally burst to life, boosting his IQ by at least 3.5 points. It’s so hot, Ted Cruz still wants to go to Cancun—because it’s cooler than Texas.

In other words—it’s been hot! But it didn’t have to be this way. While President Joe Biden’s green-energy infrastructure initiatives have been a step in the right direction, progressives had to fight tooth and nail to get them passed—and, hey, it would have been nice to start addressing the problem nearly 50 years ago when Exxon first became aware of its seriousness.

And if one meteorologist has his way, Exxon will get the credit it deserves for gradually turning our planet into an unlivable hellscape with very little fresh water and nearly unlimited plastic bottles to put it in.

RELATED STORY: It’s the hottest month ever recorded, but all Republicans can do is blow hot air