Need A Laugh? Check Out The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter is rebranding to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch.
Nonparents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesnt want to do, and he would obey
— sarah radz (@sarahradz_) August 3, 2023
summers as a child seemed to last a life time, now its like 3 consecutive saturday birthday parties, a picnic and back to school
— That Mom Tho ???? (@mom_tho) August 1, 2023
A couple years ago I read an article that claimed that cross-cultural relationships are likelier to fail on account of irreconcilable differences, and I thought that was ridiculous, but we’ve just spent an hour arguing over which version of a nursery rhyme we’ll teach our son
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) July 31, 2023
I know my kids are growing up in a healthier environment than I did because when I take out a board game and say “ARE YOU LOSERS READY TO GET CRUSHED” they’re like “so actually that was rude”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 31, 2023
6yo, looking at a cemetery: WAIT HOW CAN THEY ALL DIE IN ONE SPOT
— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) August 2, 2023
a hidden challenge of parenting is how easy it can be to momentarily forget you’re talking to a child. today my 5 year old was like “I’m so hot should we just eat more popsicles?” and I was two seconds away from being like “YES BITCH”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) July 29, 2023
I laughed so hard I could not breathe watching a TikTok of a wife asking her husband why her 6yo was telling her 4yo that “moms foam at the mouth when they have babies.”
— emily (@emilykmay) August 2, 2023
My daughters returned from their first joint babysitting adventure and the 11 y/o was complaining to the 13 y/o about having to be the one to tell the kids “no” while 13 was the “fun and reckless one.” It’s like they are already assuming the relative roles of a Mom and a Dad.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) July 29, 2023
Having kids means rewatching your favorite childhood movies and realizing the annoyingly-strict parents actually made a lot of fair points.
— The Dad (@thedad) July 29, 2023
It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 30, 2023
Asked my 5-yo to clean her room multiple times today. She assured me she did. I went in: literally nothing had changed. “In what world,” I asked, “is this a clean room?”
— Katie Gutierrez (@katie_gutz) August 2, 2023
She looked me dead in the eye. “In a TRASH world.”
Gave my 8yo $20 to buy a Hawaiian souvenir so he found a seashell on the beach and spent the money on ice cream.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 30, 2023
One of my kids begs for sushi, orders crab at every place it’s on the menu, and just asked me if we can make açaí bowls.
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) July 30, 2023
One of my kids can tell what brand a chicken nugget is by a sniff.
I’ve parented them both the same. Cut yourself some slack, parents of The Picky Ones.
grandmas be like imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2023
My daughter told me that I should be a little faster with her laundry and asked if I could fold things a little neater. She had a whole near-death experience and didn’t even realize.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) July 31, 2023
I focus a lot on the downsides of parenting. It's all in jest, but the truth is that parenting delivers incredible moments & feelings you simply couldn't experience otherwise. For example, I just dropped my kids off at their grandparents house and we won't see them until Friday.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 31, 2023
Be kind, you never know who accidentally made eye contact with their teenager this morning
— Maryfairyboberry????????♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) August 2, 2023
Kid 1: [stomach bug]
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 29, 2023
[Today]
Kid 2: [stomach bug]
Kid 3: my stomach hurts
me: [moving out]
My kid: No, I have no idea where I left the remote 37 seconds ago.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 2, 2023
Also my kid: Remember that time last year when you promised to take me to the playground but it rained, so we didn’t go because you never let me do anything?
My kid just stacked a pancake on top of his waffle, truly the children are our future
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 30, 2023