I wished my elderly unwell mum dead & regret upsetting her before she died
DEAR DEIDRE: I HOPE I suffer in the next life after saying I wish my mum would hurry up and die.
I’d spent years caring for her as she had heart problems and asthma and although I loved her very much I became resentful that my obligation to her took me away from my own family a lot.
Towards the end she became very weak and was admitted to hospital.
She died after contracting pneumonia.
I’m her 53-year-old son.
My mum was 87. I have one brother, but he lives 200 miles away and hardly ever came to see her.
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All the onus was on me to care for her.
Life is short and I didn’t want to look after her any more.
I was missing a lot of time seeing my girls growing up.
One day I was by her hospital bed and it was awful seeing her struggle and I felt so low I muttered out loud, “Hurry up and die”.
I regretted the words as soon as I’d said them and feel so guilty for wishing her dead.
What troubles me the most on sleepless nights is that she may have died with a broken heart.
She thought the world of me and was always happy to see me.
How could I have said such a terrible thing?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You are not alone in feeling like this.
Feelings of guilt are completely normal after a bereavement.
Your mum was most likely very happy about the contact you had with her and valued what you did for her over many years.
I’m sure she knew how much she meant to you.
My Bereavement support pack will tell you more about what you go through when you’re grieving and has information to deal with this.
You may also find it helpful to get some bereavement counselling.
The charity Sue Ryder offers six weeks of help free.
See sueryder.org.