A Communion With The Muses: 4 Soup Concoctions Mitch McConnell Thought Of While He Was Frozen
On July 26th, while speaking at a press conference about national defense policy, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell abruptly stopped talking mid-sentence and remained totally silent for 19 seconds before several aides escorted him away. During this vegetative interval, Senator McConnell experienced a short but powerful flood of creative inspiration for soup concoctions. Here are four recipes Mitch McConnell dreamed up while he was frozen in place.
Tomato Soup With Croutons
The very first soup that Mitch McConnell thought of when he appeared frozen in place before dozens of news reporters and colleagues was tomato soup garnished with a handful of store-bought croutons. As the Kentucky senator trailed off mid-speech, his mental faculties seemed to give themselves over entirely to a vivid daydream of this variation on a classic comfort meal, which he pictured himself creating in his home kitchen with ingredients from his pantry and serving in a rustic, hand-thrown ceramic bowl. McConnell spent the first three seconds of his silent lapse conceiving this recipe before the burst of culinary creativity occurring behind his stupefied facade moved on and conjured up another soup.
Vegetarian French Onion Soup
The next soup McConnell conceptualized during his temporary lull in motor skills on live television was a vegetarian French onion soup, a variation that simply uses vegetable stock instead of beef stock. Just as his Republican colleagues began to realize this was an unnatural length of time to pause and that something may actually be wrong, Senator McConnell was internally running the numbers on whether a fully vegan version of the recipe could possibly be as satisfying as the real thing. Ultimately, the immobile Senator decided that Daiya’s non-dairy gruyere just doesn’t have the same texture or richness of true gruyere cheese, and that vegans were simply going to be out of luck if they came to his house on French onion soup night.
Ash-e Doogh, Kentucky-Style
Senator McConnell took a big swing fusing the flavors of Kentucky cuisine into this traditional Iranian soup recipe, especially considering how at the time one of his fellow Republicans was whispering, “Are you okay, Mitch? Is there anything else you want to say?” in his ear while everyone around him suspected he was having a serious medical emergency. Just as McConnell privately decided that switching out saffron-seasoned lamb meatballs for thick-cut, maple bourbon glazed bacon would make for a fascinating combination of Middle Eastern and Southern-style cooking, a colleague was taking him by the arm to lead him away from the cameras and back to his office.
Tomato Soup With Croutons (Creamy Version)
During the short moment when Senator McConnell took several steps away from the podium, walking in the opposite direction of where aides were attempting to lead him, he doubled back to tomato soup and thought up a heavy cream-based alternative that would be especially great in fall and winter. After retreating to his office for medical attention, McConnell insisted that he was “fine” and provided no further explanation of why he lost all ability to speak for 19 seconds straight during a televised press conference, but did clarify that he concocted these delicious soup ideas in that upsetting interim and simply couldn’t wait to test them out at home.