Britney Spears and Sam Asghari got engaged in a tumultuous time, and are getting divorced now that their lives have calmed down. A therapist says it's a common pattern.
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- Britney Spears' husband Sam Asghari recently filed for divorce.
- The couple started dating and got engaged throughout Spears' conservatorship dispute.
- A therapist said it's not uncommon for couples to bond over tough times and break up once things are calmer.
Yesterday, Britney Spears' husband, Sam Asghari, filed for divorce, joining a long list of celebrity divorces and breakups this summer.
Spears and Asghari were married for 14 months, but have been together since 2016, when the two met on the set of Spears' "Slumber Party" video.
Their relationship was at times overshadowed by Spears' years-long fight to end her conservatorship, which she won in November 2021. The couple got engaged a couple months before Spears' father was removed as her conservator.
According to Isabelle Morley, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, it might be more than coincidental that the couple's relationship grew during such a tumultuous time — and ended, ironically, when life calmed down.
"Even good big changes disrupt a system," Morley told Insider. While she said it was wonderful that they worked together to end her conservatorship, its ending meant that "suddenly, she had her agency and independence back and that probably shifted things for them in a way they didn't anticipate."
Morley said that this can be a common phenomenon with couples, who can grow closer during a period full of challenges, only to break up right as everything gets easier.
She spoke with Insider about how bonding through hardship can alter our perceptions of a relationship — and why people should wait until smoother sailing to make big life decisions like marriage or moving in together.
It can be easy for couples to bond during a difficult time
When Britney testified about her conservatorship in court, Asghari wore a #FreeBritney t-shirt and seemed to support her through the whole process.
"They were fighting against something in a way that probably gave them a shared purpose and meaning and drive," Morley said. "And suddenly, the thing that they were battling was gone."
If your dynamic is at least partly built on supporting each other through a uniquely challenging time, it can be jarring to have to figure out who you are outside of it.
"I'm imagining they didn't expect that the absence of this problem would become a problem," Morley said.
Asghari may have been Spears' main support for a long time
While the #FreeBritney movement involved many of Spears' fans, her inner circle may have looked very different. Spears' family life was contentious and resulted in public feuds over the course of her 13-year conservatorship. As her long-term partner, Asghari may have been one of her primary sources of support.
Morley likened this to couples quarantining solely with each other during the pandemic. It's an intense experience that could temporarily bring them very close together, but dissolve once normal life resumes and they can hang out with more friends and family.
"When you are so reliant and close to someone in extreme circumstances, you want to make sure that your relationship will survive and thrive once you add back in the rest of your normal life," she said.
The key is to see how you feel as a couple in more normal times
For anyone who started a romantic relationship during a difficult time, Morley suggested not making any big changes right after the issue stops.
"I think we all have the instinct — to do things that make you feel like you're empowered, taking control of your life," she said. "But that's going to be not the best time to make lifelong commitments."
If you're going through a big life change, good or bad, the best thing to do is to wait a little bit and see how your life readjusts after the storm. If it's a really steady relationship built on more than surviving trauma, it'll be the best chapter yet.