A straight woman and a gay man are in a mixed orientation relationship. They say they're deeply in love and way happier than conventional couples.

• Jacob Hoff, who's gay, and Samantha Wynn Greenstone, who's straight, have been together for six years.
• They are both attracted to each other, despite having different sexual orientations.
• They told Insider about their love story, their TikTok journey, and how their relationship works.

Samantha Wynn Greenstone had known Jacob Hoff for 16 months before she realized they were soulmates. She'd been avoiding confronting her feelings about her best friend until an energy healer told her that there was a "spiritual umbilical cord" between them.

Encouraged, she sent Hoff a text asking if he'd ever thought about her as more than a friend. He texted back that he had, and a few weeks later they were boyfriend and girlfriend.

Now, six years later, they live together in LA, are planning to get engaged soon, and want a child together.

But Hoff is a gay man and Greenstone is a straight woman.

Hoff and Greenstone are in a mixed orientation relationship

Hoff and Greenstone are in a mixed orientation relationship, which is where two partners have different sexual orientations, such as gay and straight in their case. One study from 2004 estimated that up to two million current or former marriages in the US were between spouses of mixed orientations, where one person is bisexual, gay, or lesbian, and the other straight.

Historically, such people have felt societal pressure to be in what appeared to be a heterosexual relationship or didn't know they weren't heterosexual at the start of the relationship, Dr. Joe Kort, a sex and relationship psychotherapist and clinical sexologist who specializes in mixed orientation marriages, told Insider.

Kort said these couples may love each other deeply, have families, and live together, but in the most common dynamic he sees, a gay husband simply isn't attracted to his wife.

But Hoff said he is genuinely attracted to Greenstone and was already out when they got together, making theirs an unusually open and reciprocal mixed orientation relationship.

Their deep connection was confusing at first

The musical theater actors met in a production of "The Fiddler on the Roof" in San Diego in 2016. Hoff heard Greenstone "cackling" through the theater walls during callback auditions, and he just had to see "what entity could possibly be making that noise," he joked.

He told her that he thought her audition was amazing, and once rehearsals began they started chatting constantly and hanging out every day until 4 a.m. As he watched her get into a car on their way to a restaurant together one night, Hoff began to feel the excitement he usually felt on dates.

Only Greenstone was a woman, so he brushed off any thoughts of romance until he received that text from her sixteen months later.

Before that, he had been in denial about his feelings because of Greenstone's gender, and when he received the text, he worried it would ruin a wonderful friendship. But he couldn't deny the "elation and excitement" he felt about their newfound connection.

Hoff is attracted to men — plus Samantha

Both Greenstone and Hoff had been romantically involved with men before they got together, but neither had experienced such a "root level" connection like they have, Greenstone said.

Greenstone feels really secure in Hoff's attraction to her, because although he's not attracted to women in general, he is attracted to her.

To raise awareness of their unusual relationship, the couple started making TikToks, which have gotten millions of views, likes, and comments. In one TikTok she explained that his attraction to her is "about the soul, not the shell," and Jacob clarified in another video that his attraction to men doesn't negate his attraction to Greenstone — just like a straight man's attraction to other women doesn't mean he isn't attracted to his wife or girlfriend.

Dr. Kort calls this dynamic "gay plus one," where a man is gay but is emotionally attracted to and turned on by his female partner. He likens it to being with someone who is not your type.

"What matters is you're in love with them and you make a sex life out of that," he said, "it's just a nuance of sexuality."

The couple are great at communicating

One advantage of being in an unconventional relationship is that they are no strangers to having difficult and intense discussions.

"Because it's such a weird elephant in the room and such a strange subject, having to talk about it makes other communication simpler," Hoff said of his sexuality.

Greenstone said that because they have addressed Hoff's sexuality, "anything feels possible." As a result, she believes they have a "healthier," "purer" form of love than some more conventional couples have.

But how secure they feel doesn't stop them from being scrutinized by others.

People on TikTok got angry when Hoff said he's gay but has a girlfriend

Before the couple started making TikToks about their relationship, Hoff already had a significant following thanks to his funny list videos, such as "Top 5 countries with the worst food," and was open about being gay.

He first mentioned he had a girlfriend in his "Top 5 gay slang terms which need to be retired" video, and when viewers left confused and outraged comments about his sexuality, he decided to make a video about their relationship.

The couple hopes the videos will help others in similar situations who are confused about their sexuality or feel like they can't be in a relationship that wouldn't fit the label they use.

They said they wanted to speak to Insider to show that their relationship isn't just for views.

The couple don't like how people police them

The couple doesn't appreciate people fighting over their identities in TikTok comments or, worst still, attacking them because they don't fit into stereotypical categories.

Hoff doesn't identify as pansexual or bisexual, because he couldn't ever see himself with another woman if he was ever separated from Samantha.

Likewise, Greenstone doesn't identify as queer but does like to think of herself as being part of the LGBTQ+ community because of their relationship dynamic.

"Any marginalized community has to defend itself," Greenstone said, "but some people get really defensive as if we're trying to change their definitions of who they are.

"We're not trying to preach that you need to be in a straight relationship if you're gay, we're just trying to expand people's definitions of what a relationship can be — we're not threatening anyone's labels."

They know you're curious — yes, they are intimate with each other

As well as defensive comments, the couple get a lot of questions about their sex lives on TikTok. They are keen to stress that their relationship is monogamous.

In a TikTok, Hoff explained that his attraction to Greenstone isn't a "visual thing."

"I find Samantha very beautiful and stunning. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm attracted to men, it has to do with the fact that I'm attracted to Samantha's soul."

In fact, he said, "it feels so much deeper and richer and more fulfilling to be intimate with somebody who's your best friend, and who you're connected to through more than just surface level attraction."

Greenstone said: "I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I feel my life has only been more incredible since we've been together, and I've been a better person and more fulfilled.

"I think we inspire each other to really manifest our life goals and dreams — and we're achieving them together. Jacob fulfills every desire that I could ever have wanted in a partner and beyond."