Bret Bielema’s Illini are an ugly mess … and still good enough to win the Big Ten West

CHAMPAIGN — Illinois is off to a 1-2 start, which, according to the oddsmakers, is where it should be. The Illini were favored against Toledo and won that game, and they were underdogs at Kansas and Saturday at home against Penn State and lost both of those.

So, there you go — nice and neat.

Except not at all. Bret Bielema’s third Illini team came within a whisker of losing to Toledo, embarrassed itself with a first-half no-show against Kansas and then — oof — was minus-five in the turnover department against No. 7 PSU. That’s a lot of messy, ugly football already.

“I’m disappointed, obviously,” Bielema said.

Bielema woke up basketball-minded Illini fans with an eight-win season in 2022 — the first of those in 15 years in these parts — and was rewarded with a new six-year contract at $6 million a year. The next step wasn’t supposed to be putting Illini fans to sleep. No one is complaining about Bielema’s deal yet, but a 2023 dud is the last thing this program needs.

But then there’s the other way to look at things: This is the final season of divisional play in the Big Ten, and the gap between the East and West is as vast as ever. The conference’s top three — Michigan, Ohio State and Penn State, in a pecking order far from determined — are in the East, and No. 4 on the list might be Maryland, their division mate.

The West is utterly winnable, even for Illinois. And why not? Offensively challenged Minnesota was way in over its head Saturday in a 31-13 loss at North Carolina. Iowa was tied or behind for nearly 30 minutes against Western Michigan, a subpar MAC team that trailed 45-7 at the half at Syracuse a week earlier. Wisconsin intercepted Georgia Southern’s quarterback three times in the first half but still was merely tied 7-7 at the half.

The Gophers, Hawkeyes and Badgers — each of whom lost to Illinois last season — have plenty to worry about themselves. The West could essentially come down to a round-robin between those three teams and the Illini, and probably will.

Nice and neat? Not this division. May the least-messy, least-ugly team going forward win.

THREE-DOT DASH

USC’s Caleb Williams? North Carolina’s Drake Maye? Michigan’s J.J. McCarthy? Colorado’s Shedeur Sanders?

It’s going to have to be somebody at quarterback for the Bears next season.

Hang on, you’re not still all-in on Justin Fields, are you? …

But Fields isn’t even the problem.

Mom-and-pop ownership. A general manager who’s never done it before. A head coach who’s never done it before. A joke of a stadium, too. These are your big-market, small-time Bears, trying as usual to chip-and-a-chair their way to all the prize money. Of course it isn’t working. …

In sunnier news, the center cannot hold. Anarchy has been loosed upon Cubdom. The innocence of Cubs fans who believed this team was in the postseason clear has been drowned. Did I say “sunnier”? Oops, my bad. …

Since Aug. 27, the Diamondbacks have made a cottage industry out of beating the Cubs and gone 4-9 against everybody else. Remember, this is a D-Backs team that was 13 games over at the All-Star break but then went 5-20 to start the second half. They were one false move from tapping out before the Cubs came along, brewed them a pot of coffee and nursed them back to relevance. If this is why the Cubs miss the playoffs, it’s what they deserve. …

The worst-looking Alabama team since Nick Saban’s first one in 2007 comes in at No. 13 in the new Top 25, ending an eight year, 128-poll streak in the top 10 for the Crimson Tide.

College football fans across America are loving it. And wishing their teams were half as good as Alabama. …

Notre Dame’s Sam Hartman leads the nation in touchdown passes, wth 13, though he has played one more game — four so far — than most of the other QBs in the early Heisman Trophy conversation. Right now, Hartman, who has yet to be picked off, is fifth or sixth on most lists. If he plays well and beats Ohio State on Saturday in South Bend, he’ll vault straight to the top. …

Illinois freshman wideout Malik Elzy, a potential star from Simeon, caught his first three college passes and scored a late, 19-yard touchdown against Penn State. OK, so it was garbage time. He still looked the part.

“I’m excited,” Bielema said, “because I think this could be something that propels him into the future.”

THIS YOU GOTTA SEE

Twins at Reds (5:40 p.m. Monday, FS1): Have we really reached the point where we have to tune into a Reds game and see if this is the night they pass the Cubs in the wild-card standings? Yes, yes we have.

Saints at Panthers (6:15 p.m. Monday, ESPN, ESPN2): Might as well check out Carolina’s Bryce Young, who was the No. 1 overall pick in the draft. Wouldn’t it be amazing if the Bears owned the top pick someday?

Ohio State at Notre Dame (6:30 p.m. Saturday, NBC 5, Peacock): It’s the Game of the Year, folks. Well, the Game of September. Unless that was Texas-Alabama. Or anything involving the Colorado Sanderses. Look, just watch.

THE BOTTOM FIVE

Scrawny kickers: We’ll take ’em like Missouri’s Harrison Mevis instead, thank you very much. Mevis — pushing 250 pounds even when he isn’t eating a “Thiccer Kicker” burger named for him in an NIL deal — swung his beefy right leg into a 61-yard game-winning field goal at the gun to upset Kansas State.

Emre Vatansever: After the Sky’s quick exit from the WNBA playoffs, the interim coach and GM might want to take a look in the mirror and ask himself, “Wait, who am I again?”

The Chiefs: Would it kill the Bears’ Week 3 opponents to do the decent thing and sit Patrick Mahomes a game for load management?

Blaine Gabbert: Fine, whatever, so the Chiefs’ No. 2 quarterback could beat the Bears, too.

The White Sox: At this point, 100 losses is practically inevitable. At least no one will be at Guaranteed Rate Field to see it.