Noach parsha: When disappointed by the ones we love

After leaving the ark, Noah becomes drunk and uncovers himself (Genesis 9:21). His children, having witnessed this act, react in very different ways. Ham and his son Canaan appear to mock their father and grandfather. In contrast, Shem and Yefet remain silent and modestly take a garment to cover their father’s nakedness (9:22, 23). Here, the acts of Noah’s children teach us a great deal, as they present different responses to being disappointed by someone dear – whether it be a fellow human being or even God.

Consider our relationship with God. At times we become disillusioned with God’s ways. This may lead to doubting the Almighty. Rather than allowing doubt to destroy our belief in God, we should, if we can, isolate our uncertainty and consider the larger picture. We may feel that God has hurt us in certain ways, but when we step back, we are able to see how much God has given us.

Similarly, in human relationships, when a friend disappoints us – and there is no friendship without disappointment – we can opt to allow that particular feeling to destroy the larger relationship or we can bracket the falling-out. Rather than focus on the point of disagreement, we have it within ourselves to take into account that person’s larger goodness, realize that every one of us has certain flaws, and move on with the friendship.

So too in Noah’s narrative. After providing heroically for his family for the entire time of the flood, Noah fails – he becomes drunk. The reaction of Ham and Canaan is to allow this mistake to destroy their entire relationship with Noah. And so, they uncover his nakedness – they mock him.

But not so with Shem and Yefet. No doubt their father has become drunk. But they do not focus exclusively on that failure. They take into account their father’s whole personality and his heroic efforts in saving his family and the remnants of the world during the deluge. Hence, they cover up his nakedness, symbolizing their readiness to separate out the wrong even as they continue to love and respect their father.

Since we are not perfect, we cannot expect perfection from others. No relationship can exist without some disappointment. As we tolerate our failings, so too should we learn to tolerate the failings of others.

Shem and Yefet teach that in a genuine and deep relationship, one can acknowledge disappointment while at the same time not allowing a shortcoming, even a significant one, to sweepingly destroy the bonds of friendship, commitment, and love.

Candle lighting:

Noach parsha

October 20 at 6:32 p.m.