The Gilded Age Season-Premiere Recap: Back on Fifth Avenue

I’m gonna be honest. I forgot absolutely everyone’s name. There are so many cast members in this show, and it’s been so long since season one. I thought Marian was named “Miriam” for sure. I was so very mistakenly confident. And the show rudely doesn’t start the second season with an Animal House–style “where are they now” feature that highlights everyone’s name and what they’re doing. SO I GUESS I’LL DO IT.

It’s impossible to catch up with everyone, because again, this show is overly ambitious in its cast size, which causes it to be difficult to emotionally connect with any particular story line. Really quickly, though: Christine Baranski and Cynthia Nixon are Agnes van Rhijn and Ada Brook; they have been living their daily lives. Marian (not Miriam) is leading a secret life, but only on Thursdays. Bertha Russell is trying to Get Into Society by getting a box at the Academy of Music, the acclaimed New York City opera house. Her husband, George, is still making all the money and is now interested in union busting. That lady it seemed like he was going to maybe bang is nowhere in sight, but that doesn’t mean she’s not around. Agnes’s son, Oscar, is still gay and wants to marry Bertha and George’s daughter, Gladys. Tom Raikes is gone, and I hope we never see him again because he was boring.

Peggy and her family deserve their own paragraph because I wish this show was just about them. We found out at the end of season one that Peggy’s son was not dead like she’d been told, but ALIVE and living with an adoptive family. Her father, Arthur, lied to her to keep this secret, and her mother, Dorothy, is furious with him. As one would be! Also, I was secretly hoping that The Gilded Age showrunners would read my last season recaps and immediately give Denée Benton and Audra McDonald a duet because otherwise what are you doing with your cast? Why would you hire all of these Broadway luminaries and not give us a musical EVENT?! For the musical events you DO have, you bring in outside people?! Why?!

As a reminder, even in just this episode, you have seven Tony winners and three nominees, at least one of whom should have won (that person is Denée Benton — sorry to Bette Midler’s Hello, Dolly!). No one takes this show seriously, just give us a musical episode.

Here we are then in season two. It’s Easter Sunday, the only reason for which is to allow us to see everyone’s HATS. I am not complaining. Carrie Coon in a hat! Taissa Farmiga in a hat! Also some men are wearing hats, I guess. Gladys is in blue with a matching blue parasol that she carries high above her like she’s in the ladies’ chorus of The Pirates of Penzance, I love it. These bright Easter clothes are juxtaposed with the mourning worn by Peggy and her parents as they travel to Philadelphia. Why? Because the son that Peggy excitedly found out was not dead is now dead. Yes, that’s right. Peggy’s 3-year-old son has died of scarlet fever, and she and her parents are attending his funeral. It’s a lot for the top of the season, but okay? At least it gives some of the best actors in the show (again, Audra McDonald and Denée Benton) some good emotions to work through onscreen.

Peggy’s mother remains furious at her husband, who finally regrets secretly stealing his daughter’s child and adopting him out and telling her the baby died. Wow, sir. Wow. I want to say, “I guess it was 1883, so sure,” but people didn’t not know stealing babies and lying about it was wrong back then. That’s pretty much all we see from them this episode, other than Peggy asking Marian if Peggy can come back to Agnes and Ada’s. So let’s see what everyone else is doing.

Bertha is kind of “in” with Mrs. Astor now, but in like Cady was in with Regina George (albeit with less of the obvious thirstiness of Cady). This means that Bertha cannot have a box at the opera, but Mrs. Astor will acknowledge her in church and attend her parties. Her parties where Mrs. Astor wears truly amazing dresses. I once again apologize that I am in no way a fashion historian; I write this recap while wearing a large purple sweatshirt that says “Schrute Farms Bed and Breakfast.” The Astor ladies wear electric blue and pink dresses, and they are so fun and that’s the most detail I can provide about them. It’s like when Elle asks Warner what kind of shoes she’s wearing and he says, “Black ones.” That’s me. Apologies.

Mrs. Astor is nervous, though, because the Metropolitan Opera is on the horizon and it has boxes for all the rich people Astor rejects. It also features Marcella Sembrich and Christina Nilsson. Look, opera is the Olympics of singing, and if Spotify doesn’t exist because it’s 1883 and you want to go hear someone be very impressive — while ALSO getting to bop in and out of your friends’ boxes to chitchat — then you’re gonna want to go to the opera. (Also, opera is great and more people should go, but I digress.) Bertha is clearly going to support the Met because Bertha is Alva Belmont.

Apparently we’re getting a new love interest for Marian. Did anyone want this? I 100 percent don’t give a shit about Marian’s romantic life. But here we are meeting Agnes’s late husband’s nephew Dashiell, a youngish widower with a 14-year-old daughter. He is fine. I have no strong feelings. It is extremely funny how much the show underlines that he is only related to Marian by marriage. Marrying your cousin-in-law is weird but technically legal. We learn that Marian’s secret Thursday life involves teaching watercolor classes at St. Mary’s, a school for girls. Agnes is super-mean about it, and Marian pitches a fit.

Oh, also Robert Sean Leonard is there this season? This is starting to feel like a fever dream. Robert Sean Leonard is the new minister. I really hope he gets embroiled in some scandal, because this show needs more actors who can convincingly act in period pieces. Particularly men.

But what of Oscar? Oscar gets beaten up and robbed after hitting on a man at a bar, which is very sad but accurate. He then proposes to Gladys, who seems into it. Sure, why not. I have no objection to this pairing, other than her living a lie, but that was probably going to happen to Gladys in some capacity no matter what, given her wealth and the time in which she lives. The alternative would be some kind of E.M. Forster story line where Oscar escapes to Italy and lives his unfettered gay life in the Italian countryside. (Did you know marriage equality is still not legal in Italy?)

At Bertha’s “dinner of opera enthusiasts” (#TheGildedAge), she very easily impresses me, the viewer, by bringing her guests into the foyer where there are FLORAL ARCHES and GARLANDS and a singer who is said to be the famed Christina Nilsson. The singer they cast for Christina Nilsson is fine. She sings “The Jewel Song” from Gounod’s Faust. I’m sure you also said “What’s all this! The Jewel Song? In Italian! But Faust is a French opera!” I know, so weird. But opera was a lot more loosey-goosey back in the day, and the Met weirdly premiered with an Italian version of Faust. You do you, 19th century.

Things to Gossip About at Mrs. Astor’s Next Ball

• Do we think cousin marriage is allowed? And should we even be spending our precious gossip time talking about Marian Brook?

• Which congregant is most likely to become embroiled in a torrid affair with the new minister?

• Where did Carrie Astor get her hat, and should you get one like it? (yes.)

• Do you ever feel the strange urge to have those around you start singing? Maybe Agnes van Rhijn’s former secretary and her mother? Yes, I know, that is a very specific request, and no, I haven’t met the mother, but it just seems like it would be really good maybe.