Ask Amy: ‘Happy drunk’ thinks it’s time to stop
Dear Amy: I am a man in my early-70s, and I drink too much.
I started when I was 16 and have continued my entire life.
Five or six cocktails (80 proof) each evening is the norm for me.
I haven’t looked into Alcoholics Anonymous for the following reason: I don’t have anyone to apologize to.
Everything you hear about AA involves atoning for all the people you have hurt, but alcohol hasn’t caused problems for me.
I’m a happy drunk. I sit in my chair and drink and watch ball games.
It hasn’t caused any marital, family, or legal issues.
I never missed work due to a hangover.
People tell me I am the easiest-going guy they have ever met. I coached my two sons for years in baseball. I never drank before games or practices. I never drink before any type of public function, and never drive drunk.
Since retiring from my career in 2016, I have been operating a very successful business from my home.
The last physical I had (five years ago) revealed that my liver is fine. I am healthy, and cycle about 50 miles a week.
I doubt I could quit cold turkey. I have the shakes when I wake up in the morning and I usually have one drink before noon just to keep my heart from pounding out of my chest.
I’m also a stubborn old coot when it comes to taking advice, but this problem has me stumped.
A lot of people in my age group have lots of health problems.
I just keep motoring along, but I know this amount of alcohol is bound to catch up with me. I know I should quit.
Your advice?
— Happy Drunk
Dear Drunk: I genuinely appreciate the fact that you know you need to address your addiction.
Although your reason for avoiding it is the very essence of a specious denial, AA is not the only venue through which to confront your drinking. AA does not treat addiction, but is a support and fellowship group for alcoholics.
Your claim that you are a “happy drunk” is somewhat contradicted by the evidence you present. You are obviously addicted, you’ve got the shakes, and you need to have alcohol in order to function physically, so I suggest that your addiction has in fact affected your life and relationships in profound ways.
You are relying on a five-year-old physical for evidence that you are healthy. Your first step should be to have a thorough checkup; describe your alcohol addiction frankly and honestly with your physician, and ask for advice on how to address it.
There are medications available to treat alcohol use disorder, but because you seem to live alone, surrounded in your home by a lifetime of addictive habits and triggers (as well as your drug of choice) — intensive, medically supervised in-patient rehab might be the best course for you.
Dear Amy: I’m a millennial. Growing up, I played tennis with my dad regularly. Neither of us were very good at the game, but it was something we did together.
A few years ago, I got burnt out and stopped playing tennis.
It was during the pandemic, and I just got tired of doing it.
My father would either cancel or be late about half the times we were scheduled to play, which was stressful.
Ever since then, my father asks me to play tennis whenever I see him, which is usually twice a month.
He’ll ask me: “Have you given up on tennis?” He also has my mom asking if I will play tennis with him.
How can I respond to these endlessly annoying inquiries?
— Annoyed Son
Dear Annoyed: Speaking of annoying inquiries, I might place yours into that category.
Have you ever simply told your folks that you’ve given up playing tennis?
Your father quite obviously would like to revive the idea of doing something special with you. Rather than understand this as a bid for connection, you choose to be annoyed by it.
The kindest response would be for you to suggest another activity you two could enjoy together. Ping pong, perhaps?
Dear Amy: “Concerned Wife” was grappling with the fact that her husband is considering forgiving his violent son, who had assaulted him in their home.
Forgiveness aside, you failed to mention the fact that they should insist that the stepson must address his drinking problem.
— Also Concerned
Dear Also: Absolutely. This son’s rage seemed fueled by alcohol. He is obviously dangerous.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)