Will my secret lover be my ‘third time lucky’ wife?

DEAR DEIDRE: I’m close to leaving my second wife for the lover I wish I’d stuck with years ago. Would ‘third time lucky’ be too much to hope for?

I’m a man of 43. I met my first wife at a party. After an initial happy period she started to show her true colours, she was manipulative and undermined me at every turn.

It was thanks to my brother who made me see how she was destroying me that I managed to get the confidence to leave.

I got married again 10 years later to my current wife. I have a successful building supplies business.

She’s 45, and likes spending my money, but has never been interested in earning her own money.

She lives in luxury, wants the best of everything, yet brings nothing to the table.

I have two daughters and I can see their mother’s ways rubbing off on them.

Recently, my first love from sixth form tracked me down through Instagram.

She’d emigrated to Australia but I’d never forgotten her. She messaged saying that she was back and could we meet for coffee.

I told my wife she was a prospective client. When I saw her again, all those feelings came rushing back.

She’s aged of course, at 42, but she was as beautiful as ever with sparkling eyes and gorgeous hair.

Our meeting lasted two hours. Her marriage has failed and she’s living with her sister until she gets settled.

We said goodbye but I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

We’ve been texting and our messages have turned from flirting to sexual.

We ended up in bed together last week. I’ve honestly never felt such a connection.

My wife yells at me, tells me to leave her, then the next thing is she’s booked a cruise for us. I don’t love her. Should I leave?

DEIDRE SAYS:  No. Don’t leave your wife to run straight into the arms of your lover.

It would be catastrophic, not least for your daughters.

It’s a knee-jerk reaction to escape when the grass looks greener but it might not be right for you.

Treat your marriage and your lover as two separate entities. Ask your lover for some space until you sort out your home life.

If you don’t love your wife, explain that you need to have counselling because you’re unhappy.

My counselling support pack explains where to find this to decide what is best for you both.

Then, if you do leave, and your lover is still waiting, take things slowly and really get to know her.

You’ve been apart for a long time so don’t jump in feet first.