I know it’s still October but I can’t bear the stress of Christmas

DEAR DEIDRE: I feel like telling the kids that their dad and I are going away for Christmas because I can’t bear the stress of it all.

Our son is 25 and lives with his girlfriend. Sadly, her mother passed away this year.

My 20-year-old daughter alternates Christmas between us and her boyfriend’s family.

Now my son has announced that this year Christmas will be at his house, with all of us – including our son’s girlfriend’s father and her two brothers.

I’ve met them a couple of times but hardly know them. My son lives over 100 miles away so it’s not like we can visit for the afternoon.

We’ve never had Christmas away from our home. My husband likes a big lunch, he watches TV and falls asleep.

We like a few drinks and we play cards in the evening. We won’t be able to relax at my son’s with all her family there.

I’m dreading it and my husband isn’t too pleased at the prospect. My sister lives in Spain and it’s always an open invitation to go out there. Should we? We are both 53.

DEIDRE SAYS: You have to do what you want to do. If you want your traditional Christmas, you must say.

You could ring the changes and go to your sister’s but be clear to the family, this is your choice. A compromise may help to satisfy everyone.

You could go to your son’s the week before Christmas so that you can spend some time with the family and leave Christmas for him and his girlfriend’s family.

Alternatively, meet somewhere half-way between you for a meal in a pub the week before.

My support pack called Worried About Christmas may help you to decide on how best to tackle the arrangements. Good luck.