My girl, 12, spent 126 HOURS a month on phone, she was even in toxic WhatsApp group but gets furious when I take it away
MUM Sammie Searle creeps into her daughter’s bedroom to check she is asleep – only to find the 12-year-old is scrolling through TikTok on her iPhone.
It’s past 10pm and Sammie, 45, knows Emily will now be irritable and tired for school the next day.
So she confiscates the device, much to the youngster’s fury.
But it’s not a one-off. Emily got her first phone aged ten and has since had unrestricted access to social media apps such as Snapchat and WhatsApp.
Sammie lets Emily police her own screen time — and believed it was under control.
But after finding out her actual usage time by looking at her daughter’s phone settings and accessing the screen time report, the mum-of-three was horrified.
Emily is on her phone for eight hours a day at weekends, and more than 30 hours a week.
That’s more than 120 hours — FIVE whole days — spent glued to her phone each month.
“It’s a wake-up call,” admits Sammie, from Minster-on-Sea, Isle of Sheppey.
“I would have guessed it was two hours on weekdays.”
Sammie was already concerned about the effect mobile phone use was having on her daughter’s mental health.
“She has a class chat on WhatsApp which causes more problems than the social media apps, with kids posting horrible comments,” Sammie says.
“And it’s affected her mood in the past. In the school holidays, she probably was on it too much and was going to bed late. She became really irritable.
“But it’s how she and her friends arrange to meet up, so I don’t want her missing out.”
Earlier this week, Pirates Of The Caribbean star and mum of two Keira Knightley, 38, admitted she lets her children use iPads in restaurants — likening the device to a “rectangular nanny”.
But this month, Education Secretary Gillian Keegan announced plans to ban pupils from using mobiles in school due to “the distraction, the disruption, the bullying” they cause.
Advice from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) suggests children should have TV-free days, or a two-hour limit on time spent in front of screens.
While many mums and dads default to devices to occupy kids, research carried out by the BBC found 83 per cent of parents feel it’s important to limit screen time.
But as Sammie — founder of parent-and- toddler class Boogie Tots — found out, monitoring usage isn’t always easy.
“Emily brings her phone down to breakfast and takes it to school,” she says.
“Then she’s on it after school. When she’s at home, I can’t see what she’s watching [on TikTok], but she has her phone really loud so I can hear it.
“If I hear lots of swearing, I’ll ask her what she’s watching. It’s not because I want to control her, it’s because I want to know.
“There are no phones at the dinner table. But she’s back on it again before she goes to bed at 10pm. I occasionally take it away from her, especially when she is not going to sleep.
“But as long as she can get up for school in the morning and isn’t late, it’s OK.”
Lisa Jackson’s 13-year-old daughter, Isabelle, has grown up in the world of social media, appearing in videos for her mum’s Baby Not Included blog since she was a toddler.
After getting her first phone aged 11, it quickly became part of her daily life.
Lisa, a virtual assistant, was stunned to learn Isabelle is using her mobile for an average of six hours a day — the equivalent to 42 hours a week, or 180 hours a month.
“The figure is shocking,” she admits. “Her favourite app is TikTok and she mainly watches celebrity videos or make-up tutorials. I don’t allow her to have Snapchat.
“After school, she’ll video call a friend and they’ll do homework together, so that contributes to a lot of usage time.
“At her age, I was hanging out in parks and my mum had no idea where I was.
“I’d rather Isabelle was in and safe, chatting with friends at home.”
‘SCREEN TIME NOT ALL BAD’
Three years ago, Natalie Bamford had to restrict her 16-year-old daughter’s screen time.
Lola was on her device for up to seven hours a day, messaging on Snapchat at 2am.
Natalie, 38 — who “reluctantly” bought Lola an iPhone when she was ten, for her to stay safe walking home from school — said she had felt she was “failing as a parent”.
Lola was restricted to one hour per app per day and, after 10pm, only got to use the phone in emergencies. “I felt horrible, but I didn’t want her to be up all night,” says Natalie, from Derby.
“Now she’s a bit older, she knows she needs to limit it herself, otherwise it can have a negative effect on her mental health.”
Natalie was pleased to learn Lola now spends an average of four hours and 26 minutes on her phone a day — 31 hours a week or 135 hours a month.
“I would have guessed around seven hours, so was impressed and proud of her,” she says. “But I still worry what content she’s consuming.”
Sammie, Lisa and Natalie agree too much screen time can cause family tension, and each has taken devices away as punishment for bad behaviour.
Despite that, none of them supports a total mobile ban at home.
Sammie says: “It’s important Emily has a phone so we can keep in touch. But I could lose the apps.”
Natalie, CEO of Colleague Box, adds: “It’s the way the world is going, so if you’re inhibiting that, your child is at a disadvantage.”
Chartered psychologist Catherine Hallissey, urges parents not to fear the reaction if they limit screen time.
“Alarm bells ring when parents say they feel guilty about taking away their child’s devices because it means they may be avoiding other issues,” she says.
“If you’re spending six hours a day on your phone, it’s not balanced.
“You’re not sleeping, reading, engaging in hobbies, or learning. You’re not directly connecting with family or friends. We need to get real about the opportunity cost.”
But she insists not all time spent on phones is negative. “Chatting with your friends is completely different to scrolling on TikTok,” she says.
“And learning ukulele or chess online is different to spending hours on Instagram.”
So how should parents deal with kids glued to their phones 24/7?
“Build a connection with your child,” says Catherine.
“Build in other activities that are engaging and encourage them to see friends. By building that structure into daily life, it’ll be far easier.”
Tips for managing your kids’ devices
PSYCHOLOGIST Catherine Hallissey suggests:
- Model behaviour: Reflect on your use of screens in front of your child, such as how often you check it. Would you be happy for them to do as you do?
- Parental controls: Use these to reduce the risk of exposure to adult content before they’re old enough. Start with a high level.
- Be a mentor: Teach your teen about how screen time affects their concentration, presence and behaviour – and how nothing goes away once it’s posted. The golden rule – pause before you post. Would you be happy if it was screenshotted and shared?
- Talk: Discuss potential issues with your child, such as cyberbullying, grooming, sexting and scams. Be approachable and focus on a collaborative approach.