From being forced to sign an NDA to cleaning up poo & an indecent proposal – what it’s really like being a cleaner
UNLESS you are prepared to fester in filth, then cleaning your home is a necessary evil.
But for those who can afford it, hiring someone to do the dirty work for them is a tempting option.
Naomi Terence, who runs business Mrs T Cleaning in Ilkley, West Yorks, has been working her way through others’ squalor for three years — and in that time she’s seen it all.
Naomi, 43, says: “I’ve even had people leave sex toys lying around for me to clean away.”
Here she shares her most shocking and downright dirty cleaning confessions . . .
SNOOTY SNOB WHO REFUSED TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM: One woman, a young wife, was so stuck up she refused to let me be in the same room as her or her husband.
From the word go, she instructed me not to be around them at all.
I don’t know if she was jealous or just a tyrant, but either way she was terrifying, like a pint-sized prison guard.
She’d turn her nose up at me every time I arrived and only spoke to me when she wanted to complain.
She once had a go at me because the bath was dusty — but that was a full week after I’d last cleaned it. Of course it was dusty.
She wouldn’t look me in the eye, either.
INDECENT PROPOSAL FROM TOYBOY SCARED OF SPIDERS: One guy in his twenties asked me to clean up a spider’s nest because he was so terrified of spiders.
Then he promptly invited me out for a drink.
He had a girlfriend, so it was incredibly inappropriate and, to this day, I’m not sure what his plan was. Was he being friendly? Or flirty?
Either way, it was very weird.
One minute I was on my hands and knees in his loft, covered in cobwebs and trying to get rid of these eight-legged beasts — the next I was trying to bat off his creepy advances.
As I was 15 years older than him, I suppose I could take it as a compliment.
But I’ll never understand why clients think it’s OK to cross the line from professional to personal. It happens a lot.
I’ve received some unwelcome compliments about my body before.
One man said, “My wife could do with doing a bit more exercise to look like you”.
I wasn’t flattered — I fuming on behalf of his wife.
RANDY CLIENT WHO LIKED TO BE FILMED IN BED: I work in one of the more affluent areas of the country, so am used to dealing with clients who have more money than sense.
One day, while cleaning the house of a particularly wealthy older guy, I saw a camera, set up in his bedroom.
It was clearly there to film his amorous activities.
When I was done he came up to me and purred, “I look really good for my age, don’t I?”
As if his bedroom camera hadn’t already given the game away that he had a massive ego!
He also had a basement with a sauna. It was like something out of Fifty Shades Of Grey.
But at least the grey was gleaming once I’d finished with it.
MADE TO SIGN NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT: Considering I’m just a cleaner and not a spy, I was gobsmacked when one client asked me to sign a NDA before setting foot in his house.
“Maybe it’s a big-name celebrity, a social-media influencer or a high-powered politician?” I thought.
But no. It turned out to be just some bloke who worked in pharmaceuticals as a contractor, so there was clearly quite a bit of paranoia on his part.
He didn’t want me to talk about anything I’d seen in the house, which panicked me.
I didn’t want to end up in any legal trouble for looking at something by accident.
I’m not in the business of stealing and selling secrets — so please just let me mop your floor in peace.
CLINGY COUPLE WHO WOULDN’T LEAVE ME ALONE: Something I see a lot of, especially since Covid, is socially awkward people who don’t leave me in peace to do my job.
I’ve had clients who make a cup of tea then sit and talk to me — boring small talk — and then follow me around the house as I work, often still chatting.
I realise that some people are lonely, so I always try to indulge them while also getting my job done. But there’s only so much I can take.
One older couple had been cut off from the outside world for a long time due to the Covid pandemic.
When I’d come to clean for them, they’d treat me like an exotic animal — they’d stare at me endlessly.
It was very odd when all I wanted was to just be left alone to concentrate on my cleaning.
CLEANING UP POOP IN A HAZMAT SUIT: Yes, we’re here to clean your home. But don’t take the mick.
One client nearly pushed me over the edge when they asked me to clear up the vomit and faeces they had managed to get everywhere thanks to a particularly severe bout of food poisoning.
The whole household had got the bug — and I was the one who was left to deal with the deluge.
In order to tackle the truly disgusting mess, I had to wear a full-on hazmat suit — worn for dealing with toxic materials.
That was partly to make sure I didn’t catch any bugs myself and partly because I couldn’t bear to have any part of me exposed to those bodily fluids.
It was such a horrific job, I upped my price and demanded £500. Sure enough, they paid up.
STARTING WORLD WAR THREE OVER TWO BREADCRUMBS: Some people are simply rude and have such crazy expectations they are impossible to please.
I had one client who lived in an enormous four-storey house, which was completely white — but was also covered in loads of muck and dust.
They gave me two hours to clean the whole place, from top to bottom.
Then they texted me once I’d left, going mad because I’d missed two breadcrumbs on a kitchen surface.
The same client would bombard me with pages and pages of messages with chores to complete in the tiny timeframe.
It was completely unrealistic. Needless to say, I didn’t stick with them for long.
THE CREEPY DOLLS WHO WATCHED ME MOP: Sometimes you will get people who are a little bit quirky or have some very strange possessions that you end up stumbling upon while you are going about your business.
For instance, one new client, a man who answered the door to me wearing a boiler suit and a full face mask, like Hannibal Lecter, had the most bizarre photo in his basement, of a woman’s legs, spread open.
It was so creepy, I left as soon as I clocked it.
One client — a lovely lady, I should add — kept a basket full of creepy, very life-like baby dolls in one of her rooms.
Every time I was in the property, cleaning up, I would feel as though their sinister faces were staring at me, following my every move.