6 common reasons couples break up — even if they really care about each other

• Breakups are hard, but sometimes necessary — even when two people care about each other.
• A psychologist said there are some common reasons that couples break up.
• Overlooking early incompatibilities and not helping each other reach goals can lead to relationships ending.

Breakups are notoriously difficult and painful — but sometimes they're necessary.

Working hard to keep a relationship together when it's not meant to be can backfire and lead to more heartache down the road, especially if you're sweeping problems under the rug.

"Two truly nice, lovely people could be in a relationship together and it could just not work because they don't mesh with what they need from each other," Dr. Susan South, a professor of clinical psychology at Purdue University, told Insider.

South spoke to Insider about some of the most common reasons couples fight and break up, even if they really care about each other.

1. They ignored incompatibilities early on

While commitment is crucial to a healthy relationship, some couples can overlook incompatibilities early on for the sake of staying together, South said.

In the beginning, "they feel like can get past whatever differences they have with this person," she said. But that's not always true.

"Whatever you're fighting about when you first get into a relationship, that's probably what you're going to be fighting about 20 years down the line just because your personality isn't going to change that much."

If a couple can't face those differences and accept them, they can end up fighting more often because "once you feel committed to someone, you want to make it work," South said.

But once two partners finally face that crucial incompatibility, they might break up — and wish they had years earlier.

2. They're not aligned on big things, like money or kids

Aside from personality differences, some couples might avoid talking about big, non-negotiable views like finances and family.

South said "handling money, whether you want children, and how to raise children" are some major disagreements that can drive couples apart. That's why she recommended talking about them before making big commitments like getting married.

3. They don't help each other reach their goals

Beyond getting along with each other, South said that it's important for couples to continually help each other reach their goals, whether it's running a marathon or finding a different job.

She cited a 2022 study that found that couples who support each other's goals thrive together more. At the same time, she said, "relationships don't work when your partner doesn't care or doesn't want to help you towards those goals."

Over time, if couples feel stuck or unsupported in achieving things outside the relationship, it can lead to a breakup.

4. They changed significantly over time — and didn't grow together

While South said that people's personalities don't usually change too much over time, she said there can be circumstances where one or both partners become "very different than the person that you first got in that relationship with."

For example, if someone is dealing with untreated mental health issues, that can create big rifts in the relationship. "Those are things that are going to really significantly impact how you are with your spouse or romantic partner," she said.

If you can both grow and learn from the experience, then you may be able to move forward together. But if one person grows and the other person doesn't, it could lead to a separation.

5. They get contemptuous in fights

While all couples fight, how they fight can predict a breakup down the line.

South said that couples who can "be respectful of each other's position or can at least find some humor in the argument" have a better chance of staying together than the ones who get contemptuous or highly critical of each other.

6. They can't fully open up around each other

South said that there can be individual differences in how comfortable people are with sharing about themselves. For example, people who are more extroverted might be more comfortable sharing details about their lives than introverts.

But, she said, there can also be differences in how quickly we want to open up to certain people.

"If you're not wanting to share more, this person may not be the right one for you," she said.

Over time, one or both people might realize that there are aspects of themselves they don't feel comfortable sharing with the other person, leading to a breakup so that they can find someone more compatible.